God is Good. All the time He is Good.

One of the verses that God has really brought to life in a new way this season is one I have known by heart for a long time, but it has made it to a new depth in my life. The verse is 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind."

It started with the sound mind. I think on most days I feel as if I have lost my mind in so many areas. God has been encouraging me that I am not loosing my mind for He has given me a sound mind. Whenever I start to feel as if I am crazy, my sound mind comes from choosing to focus on His truth (that comes from His Word) and not what surrounds me or my feelings. I feel as if I am walking in a season of not trusting my eyes or my heart to guide me, but God's Truth to center me. This center is a place I have never been before and requires a trust like I have not been required to give. I find that as I walk in the ways of the Lord I am shown that the old way(even as recent of yesterday) is not going to work for today. My faith must change just as the night changes back to the day. I hope that makes sense. I guess I used to think, way back when I had just accepted the Christ as my Lord and Savior, I thought once I figured it out I could coast so to speak. God is way too all knowing to let me not be engaged every moment of everyday of my life. There is so much to take in. I am realizing how much I am missing out on by fussing about the things that are so unimportant.

So with my sound mind, He has revealed to me the fear that of that is robbing all that God had intended me to have. I wouldn't characterize myself as fearful. I never would have noticed it, it was so minute that I completely dismissed it as just the way I am (I hate those lies the Enemy speaks over me that I accept as Truth). But it has been exposed. Today I am worth all I will ever be. I can not make myself more worthy of anything. Not worthy of God's forgiveness, His grace, His blessings. What a relief. I have spent the better part of my life trying to prove myself to be worthy. (There's that dreaded "T" word Rebekah). I actually have exhausted ways to try, if you can believe it. I never really could pin point the place where that really came from, but it has crippled many of my relationships over the years. So fear of coming to the place where I realize I just don't measure up has run me ragged. I know, now more than ever, that I am loved, I am the Beloved of God, I am captivating, and that I am exactly the woman God created me to be. I am not going to change the core of who I am. What I am going to do is spend the rest of my life walking right where the Lord would have me to transform me to walk in His freedom more and more each and every day. I pray that my words are only vessels to be used by God to have this sink in beyond what my words can ever express.

The ability to do this comes from the power He provides me to do and the love He is and gives to confidently go where my eyes may not know the path. Thank you God for your endless mercies and grace. Thank you that even when I may not understand and question you, that you are still who you are. Thank you for allowing me to come as I am and not leaving me that way. Thank you that when I struggle to let go of something familiar, your Truth gently encourages me to let go and trust you more than I fear the unknown.

While I will stumble and skin my knee so to speak, I am thankful for the forgiveness and grace to stand back up and do it again until I see Him fully.