Precious Gift for me

Today has been a hard day. Not sure why, it has been building though. I lost it. Lost it with a few people, mainly my kiddos. Went through periods not sure if I would make it out alive. I guess I share this because so many times I look around and think . . . I never see any one else lose it. It must be only me.

I know that is not true and I am so thankful in moments like these that even though I may not behave like I have been given all the self control I need, I have. He has taken care of that . . . it is my choice to draw upon it, I can royally mess up, and His tender mercies will be new for this great offender!

In the most pressing of all cirmcumstance, a lot of words filled with death have been spoken over me. I find that those are the hardest to let go of. Not because I believe them, but because I feel this great need to disprove them. I was driving down the road trying to come up with a clever stautus updates mildly hinting at the day I had. I was thinking how alone I felt and no one really knew that what I needed most was just comfort. Not that it wasn't given, but it wasn't from the one who can really diminish the pain of my broken heart. So, back to the update. I was trying to be clever in wording my status and it hit me. Who can comfort me? Only one can do so in a way that brings long lasting relief. Only one who can hold me so close and let me know that I am okay. I felt like David in one of those rants in a psalm bellyaching about all my misery. Then the verse came to me (thanks AWANAS) "Your staff and rod they comfort me . . ." (psalm 23).

That is it! That is what I sometimes still find myself striving to find in humans. They were not meant to comfort me in this way. Those I know cared about me spoke truth and encouragment, but it was not until I allowed the Lord to calm my spirit and remind me that he is enough. I had that talk that maybe you have had before:

Me:"I feel so alone."

God:"But you are not, I am here."

Me:"But why can't I have someone tell me it is going to be okay. Why can't they say that it stinks, but you will make it through?"

God:"I am and I do."

Me: long silence "You are right, why do I ever turn to anything but you?"

God:"It is in me where you will find what you truly long for, because I love you like no other."

Me: "Forgive me for being so hard headed."

So, in His usually sweeteness this new song I had been enjoying came on in my car and it spoke so loud and clear. So today, I am pressing into the giver of ALL good gifts. One of those is the fruit of the Spirit. So if you see me not showing the full measure of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, self control, goodness, faithfulness, or kindness . .. then feel free to remind me, "He is enough, Tammy."

Here is the line, in case you missed my status update on fb:

If I lost it all would my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away? If you take it all, this life you've given, still my heart will sing to you. Even if you take it all away, you'll never let me go. I still know that I'm still Yours! (Kutless: I'm Still Yours)

Love my playlist! Got it now on my blog! Small things make me happy these days, I guess.