Getting what I needed and not what I asked for!

I am not gifted with words, some may say here that I am gifted with a quanity . .. not so much quality. May God open your heart to hear his, not my lack of verbal clarity!

You know in my life I have found that sometimes I am so focused on what tomorrow brings that I miss out on the day ahead of me, the moment I am in. I have pleaded with the Lord to allow my faith to sustain me until . . . fill in the blank. Well, this last week He answered a really big need of mine or so I thought. I really imagined that it would feel different, to have the answer I begged and pleaded for. The ironic thing is that it has left me feeling flat and disappointed. I wanted to be able to say, "Look how God has been faithful!" to anyone who came my way. Right now I feel like I need to regroup and figure out what it is that has come up making feel this way.

Don't get me wrong. God has been so faithful, but in a way I really didn't expect. I didn't get the goosebumps, I didn't get the "experience" . . . at least not how I really wanted it. I really haven't told many people, but God reached out and touched me. About three months ago, I was at a crossroads. I had to choose to allow him to be my all or let go of this craziness of walking in my faith. I couldn't have it both ways. I couldn't wait on His timing and expect my instant needs to be satisfied. I had to choose.

Well, I did. I chose Him. What did he do in return? Well, first of all even as I type this He healed me. He healed the most precious thing in this world to me . . . my heart. My heart was broken, bruised, tattered, torn, you name it I was there. I didn't have any way to make it one more day, but even up until that day He picked up my foot to allow me to take each step. One step at a time, He held me. I had asked all the right people for help . . . desperate for someone to help me. I couldn't understand God's seeming silence to my heart's cry . . . but He still lifted my foot one step at a time. So when I thought I couldn't go one more day, He showed up in a way that I could see how He had been there right where I needed.

Wow, even know as I type I am so moved by the way He swept in took every broken piece of my broken heart and didn't just put it back togehter, he restored it. He touched me in such a way, that it was an act of God. It has been such a special time of healing and personal interaction with the God who created me, I really didn't want it to end. The great thing is hasn't. Some days I my eyes can't see due to a passing cloud or two, but He is ever near and ever tending to me. Me. In my house, at my kitchen table, typing on my blog my God is right here.

I started this entry, some what sadden by the way my answered prayer left me feeling. What I am leaving with is that unbeknownst to even me He answered a more pressing prayer that I had been begging for so much longer, three months earlier. Our pastor has talked so much about pursuing God for what he gives and missing out on the greastest blessing, God Himself. Well, Eureka! I can honestly say that the greatest blessing I could ever receive is more God. My God He was My God He is My God will always ever be (Arron Shust).

God you have shown me that what I truly desire is more of you. Sometimes you show up in restored relationships, but what I am appreciating tonight is you show up to meet with me. To tell me you understand and you are right here. You are my greatest anwered prayer. You are my breath, my heartbeat. Thank you for not answering all my requests in the way I request them . Thank you for answering my heart cries that I don't even understand. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes fo us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:26-28


May you be blessed by just expereincing Him today and everyday!