Today I choose the what I cannot see, the eternal.

A part of me died today. I wish that I could say it didn't but it did. I am now looking to God to make this into a beauty from the ashes. I have tried to understand my part in this death and why does it have to happen this way. Why does it get so hard to where you can't even lift your head so I can look to him look at me tenderly into my tear filled eyes and say,"Trust me, I still love you more than you could know." To just have to let his embrace be all the comfort I need. This is those times when I am reminded that God is enough. Even with the death of this magnitude and all the frustration that I want to take out on the person responsible, I know that my choice is easy. I have struggled with this choice many times, but I know in the end the only choice I want to make is to follow Him down the path that doesn't always make me feel better right away. This path is where I want to be and the joy that only he can fill me with will fill the void that happiness can never fill completely. I am sorry to speak so vague, in situations where honor and respect is my attempt to protect the one who destroyed part of me today.

Dreams are such wonderful things. For some reason God wants this dream to be a miracle. I have tried to do my part, I have tried to let go and wait for him, now He has asked me to do the unthinkable. Give it all to him. Give him all of my dream and not try to figure out my role in any of it. Then what hole is made from this dream is now to be filled with him. I only share this on my blogg to remind me that one day I will understand why things have to happen this way. I will be able to go to the person I just let loose on when they crushed me and apologize for the way I reacted. It will remind me to choose to look from God's eternal perspective when I struggle with feeling overwhelmed at the lack of control I have over this situation.

God will bring me through this a better person because of it. God is so much more than I ever need, that if I am still in the same situation that today presents on my death bed to choose his path will be so much more fulfilling than to make my dream come true on my own. This death will end in a resurrection that will draw all eyes towards one who made it so. I will take no credit and give all of it to him and the life transforming power only he has.

I end with what I now cling to: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,"and "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." He will be faithful of that I am sure. Thank you God for the things that draw me closer to you. You are all I ever need. You are enough for my deepest heartache, of that I am sure.