The Fogle Family

The silence ends . . .

2010-12-14T21:43:00.002-06:00

It has been quite a few months. I was following another gal's blog and felt like she said what I had been feeling very well. Life has been happening, however it is not much I can share.

So, I think that life is slowing down enough that I might be able to begin to blog.

We sold our house, moved, and now are settling in to a wonderful place. I sit in the living room and still after two months I can't believe we are here. We had thought that building was the way to go, but I am amazed at how God's hand was all over these last few months. We just found out that the lot we wanted to build on was $20 more a square foot that anticipated. Our house is $40 less a square foot and that just amazes me. God so far exceed my expectations in so many ways!

God is still just as faithful as He ever has been, because that is who He is. I am more in love with Him than I thought I could be and wondering still how He could feel about me like He does. That is where I am at . . . in a journey to know HIm more. In that journey I am learning so much about myself. I hope to share more now that I feel like I have the freedom to tell what my God is doing.

Now off to get ready for a Christmas party . . .

Monday . . .

2010-05-03T20:56:00.003-05:00

I seemed to have lost the pictures and now fill most entries with words. I kind of feel like that is all I have right now. Words to function from situation to situation, words to try to explain my failing mouth in expressing myself, only words to describe the way I feel right now.

How these words fail me now. It has been such a world wind for these last few months and I must confess to not being use to it. I had guarded my time so closely and I agreed to several things not knowing how it would all fall together. MAN! I hardly had time to breathe and it really took all of last weekend to get myself feeling a little more normal.

But then . . . that is where it started to go downhill. See when you are busy and needed it feels good and important to rush here and there, accomplish this and that. But when you stop, it is almost like going through a detox. No one around, no one to pat you on the back for all you have done, no one to notice that you are not sure what to do with yourself.

Today I behaved badly. I let my world seem dark and lonely and let my feelings tell me what my reality was. I was so deceived and duped, and it makes me angry! Why do I let the enemy tell me my reality? Why do I let him tell me the things that temporarialy scratch my itch?

Oh but God is faithful. I began to tell Him how bad it was and how I am just so misunderstood. Know what He did? Gently told me what the Truth was in my situation and how I had let myself return to the familar places where burdens were great and life seemed hopeless.

Thank you Lord for not condeming me but reminding me of You are good. Your heart towads me is good. I am not who I was, I am Yours! May that be what exudes from me each and every day. Not because I get it 100%, but because you are 100% what you say you are.

Found this video right after I posted this. Have been following this family for some time and was truly blessed by what they shared. May you be as well! Don't forget to mute the music at the bottom before you push play.

Just some thoughts . . .

2010-04-23T21:57:00.004-05:00

What a week it has been. I had some great things go on . . . the kids did great in a worship service at church and we survived all the rehersals. I got to go on a field trip with Sydney to the zoo. Unfortunately in the midst of these great and everyday events in our family, we are suffering through a loss. The hardest part is that as a family it is really taking a toll on us.

I have been blessed I guess not to have suffered losses on this level very frequently and I am honestly not sure what to do with how I feel. What to say, how to respond, taking in others' feelings into account as it is not just me who is grieving.

I'll have to admit I was really angry last night at the situation. I probably acted out in a selfish way, event though I tried not to. Angry that the enemy seeks to destroy us and will use whatever means necessary to take us out. I know what is like to not be sure what is the Truth and what are lies meant to take us out. I tried so hard to not respond in that anger and I feel like I failed. I just wanted to let the person who hurt us so to know I knew what had happened and the choices made affected so much more than could be known.

So as I tried to go to bed last night I just cried out to the Lord for grace. Grace to understand that bad things happen and I am not going to be able to always fix the problem. Grace for the one who caused this pain, as I can only imagine the pain they must feel to make said choices. Grace for myself to grieve through this in a healthy way and let it grow my famiy closer as we ralley around our loved ones.

They don't give manuals on how to handle situations like this and I just am so grateful that I have a loving Father who hurts with me, holds my hands and those who are hurting as we walk down this path of life together. My prayer is that this opportunity is not wasted and we all press into the One who know us best to receive all He has for us.

I hate that words really can't express what I feel or bring comfort as they come out. All I can do in these times is lay everything I am at the Father's feet and let Him comfort me. He was faithful to remind me that He is there through a few Psalms. Psalm 121 and 23 remind me that my help comes from Him alone and I can choose to let His comfort be enough or risk walking out of what will really be the balm that heals.

Life is hard. It is in these times that my prayer is for Him to come quickly so no more tears have to fall. May God bring comfort to my family. May they know that He is a breath away and ready to love them through this. May they see that He is more than a distant creator and may they see He loves them more than any of us could comprehend.

My prayer is that God would grant me wisdom to love those who have hurt me and not forget how many times I have hurt those who love me as well. May the grace I have received be freely given not because of what is deserved, but because my Savior did so much more on the cross to forgive me of what was not deserved. May I look back and see how this pain and grief was used to reveal the glory of God in a way I am too close to see right now. This was not His will or plan, but He will make all things work together for those who love Him.

What a beautiful day!

2010-04-20T15:42:00.003-05:00

I just got done walking outside to feel the sun on my face. What a wonderful feeling! It has been way too long since I have enjoyed that feeling. It seems to reflect how my heart feels right now.

I have been really having some serious heart to heart conversations with the Lord. I am so simple minded to think that I might actually be able to comprehend the workings of the mind of the creator of our universe, yet so thankful that he is not offended when I ask. I have had a couple senarios that have sent me down wondering if I would ever be able to get out of the cloud I feel like has been hanging over my head for so long. It kind of reminds me of that cartoon character that has the rain follow wherever he goes.

What I love about the Lord is that when I press into Him to ask Him why this or why that, I walk away forever changed. My situation doesn't change, in fact sometimes the external pressure gets even worse. What changes is my heart, my perspective, I am reminded of His Truth. So today I felt like I had the chance to lift up above my going ons and see what He sees. No answers were given, no remedies needed. I only know how to describe it as my heart lept within me and breathed deeply and went "Oh. I see now. Yes, You are enough."

But that was not all. My loneliness was destroyed, my heartache for what is not . . . gone. My foggy vision of what I thought I couldn't see is cleared . . . just like the clouds outside. We (the Lord and I) have been working on how it looks to really only need His approval. When I seek my worth and value in Him, what others say doesn't dampen my understanding of who I am. My heart may question if what He says is true but is always met with His opinion of me.

Recently I took a bold step for me, not so noticable for most, to begin using a name to remind me of what the Lord sees when He looks at me . . . Captivating21. (Captivating to One) If you are still reading at this poing, the only weight I use to measure me these days is Him slone. No matter how anyone sees me I will always know I am captivating to One!

We were to ask the Lord what He thought of us the other day and the first thing He told me (twice that night) was that He loved my smile. Guess what you might see me doing a lot these days . . . smiling. There is no greater feeling that to know the love of my King!

May the sun on your face turn your heart back to the one who thinks you are pretty darn special.

Israel Post #1

2010-04-15T13:49:00.006-05:00

So after being dropped off at the church on Wednesday morning, all 44 of us got on the bus and headed for the airport. My stomach was in knots until I got through securtiy. I have a knack for doing the no no's on the list, but happily got through unscathed! Here is a pic of Renee with all of our 44 passports. There is a bunch in our group! We were seated alphabetically so I got to know the "F" folks really well!. We had an uneventful

Here is old city of Akko. We stayed here for three nights. The view was so neat of this old city on the Medditterranean Sea.

We got to visit Tents of Mercy. This is David and Avi enjoying a laugh.

One of the great things this congregation does is have supplies for the community. Things needed if a war were to break out of things for various celebrations that the community does like Matza bread during passover.

I love this picture of the "Tents" in the desert, the oasis for those in need.

Eitan showed us the Torah. This is wrapped in velvet kept in a special shelf and read every week at congregation. It could take up to a year to write this our by hand. I believe it is basically the Old Testament written in Hebrew . . . but my memory fails me right now.

They read it using this special pointer so as not to ruin or smudge the writing.

David Ray and Avi. River of Life has a speical relationship with Avi. I believe he has preached in Abilene there.

A kibbutz. This is a communtiy farm that many people work on. There were several outside Akko.

For the most part this was the way we read signs: Hebrew, Arabic, and English. Thank goodness!

This man was a leader in a congregation in Nazereth. His name is Vakiff and he also had made aliyah (returning to Israel) from Russia. I told him I spoke Russian and felt very dumb when I couldn't figure out that he was asking me how long did I study Russian. I kept saying 34 years! Oi vey!

I just love the way Hebrew looks. This is a sign for Nazereth.

This a shot of the Holy Ennuciation Church (sp?). It is the dome shaped building in the center. The Catholic Church believes this is where Mary met the angel that told her she would be pregnant with God's son.

This guy was actually from Belarus. His name is Leon. He helps a lot of Holocust victims and has just started a seminary. The Torah that is in the picture actually came from Germany and was found after the Holocaust. It amazingly made it through all that destruction!

Interesting warning sign! I would stay away from that!

We got to see where Jase and Melissa are working and living and the people who are helping them out. It was neat to see the projects that they are doing and to know how to pray for them back in the states.

Melissa showed us their bomb shelter and it was sobering knowing that they had just experienced the effects of war not too long ago. I had a hard time imagining what that must have been like. In America we really don't know what it is like to have a war going on in our homeland.

I had to show this photo. I have never had a problem swelling with any of my travels or pregnancy and it blew me away how much I did after we arrived in Israel. My sandels started to hurt my feet and I had no ankles! I made sure to drink lots of water and keep them up and thankfully it went away.

This painting was at Guy Cohen's congregation. I loved hearing the shofars blowing but unfortunately missed out on a lot because of my troubles with jet lag. I hope this gives a glimpse into the first day of what we did. I felt like we were all over Israel this day . . . at least the NW side.

I am still reeling . . .

2010-03-27T21:18:00.003-05:00

I will post pictures galore from my incredible trip that I just got home from later, but I wanted to share some thoughts I have been chewing on all week since I got home from Israel:

-I am sentimental. Never realized just how much until the simple thought of something could send me into an emotional breakdown. Granted it was probably a lot of tiredness thrown in, but it has really shocked me. For example, I was at a playdate and a buddy from the trip popped in to exchange something . . . and I almost had to leave the place because I was overcome with emotion! I was just heart sick the rest of the morning.

-I desire more than anything to be a part of what God is doing. The problem I have is sometimes I am so busy looking for where He might be that I miss Him altogether. I am struggling just being a wife and mom these days and I feel like I am in constant dialogue with God about His timing. He has been so sweet to encourage me an let me know I am doing what I should . . . but can I be honest? Sometime is is definitely lacking in the glamourous! But that is when the Lord gentley reminds me that I am in the planting part of the growing season and I will not see the fruit of my labor until a much later date . . if ever. I choose to be okay with that, but I must confess the struggle is still there at times.

-I realized on this trip I just took, that while I love to be the center of attention, the one who entertains . . . I desire that deep intimate conversation just as much as the laughter and lighter moments. That may be the way we all are, but I realized that sometimes making others laugh and have fun can be isolating because it is hard to take the jokester as serious. I am thankful that God place such a wonderful gal as my roomate on the trip so I could have both. She will never know how precious those nightly conversations were to me even if I tried to tell her.

-We may learn to loose the baggage in our life that robs us of the freedom Christ died for, but the enemy is smart to sit it in our path so we may be tempted to pick it up again. Darn that enemy! I get so frustrated when I seek the familar even if it leads me back into the bondage I have been set free from. I am so thankful that the Lord is so patient with me to show me where I seem to be lacking in faith and taking control of the things I just laid at His feet. Never chiding, but reminding me of what my heart truly desires. When He puts it back into perspective, life becomes so much simpler!

-I doubt my faith at times. But I have realized that this should not bring shame to my heart, but amazement. I am the one Lord showed me His truth, His grace, His salvation! Thanks to a wise man who pointed this out on my trip, that too would have brought me shame. Now I can't believe that my eyes have been opened, my heart freed, my life's purpose to love and know Him more an more . . . I'll never understand why me but it will not weigh me down again. My heart longs for those around me to know this love and let go of the religion, but once again it is like describing a sunset.

So I guess I end here. I am amazed. Amazed that I was beyond priviledged to be a part of something so much bigger than I could have even imagined. Now to live out what I have learned in my day to day life. God is so good, such a kind and gentle teacher that I have no fear He does give His children the very best gifts!

P.S. Not sure if a lick of what I wrote makes sense, but eh . . . know that the wheels are turnng up in my head. If nothing else you can be encouraged that the God of Abraham is just as amazing to me 4000 years later!

Happy Birthday to my favorite 3 year old!

2010-03-27T21:04:00.003-05:00

One of the downfalls to going to Israel is missing Savannah's 3rd birthday. However I made up for it when I got home. We had a Dora cake, presents, and of course who could forget the singing. Simple, yet sweeet. Next year we will begin the parties so these small family affairs will not be for much longer. I love her so from her sweet smiles, to her terrible three tanrums. One of our fun things we got to do while I was gone was argue who loved who more. What a fun arguement!Just a quick shot of my BEAUTIFUL flowers waiting for me when I got home at 4:00am on Tuesday morning. More on that later . . .

Yes, this last photo is out of place. It is my sweet baby boy in a Dora towel. He was in heaven after bath time completely unaware of the pink towel covering him up! Isn't he the cutest?!?!?!

Sunsets and God

2010-02-22T20:40:00.004-06:00

Whew! It seems that time to sit and reflect on life are far and few between. I have to remind myself that this is a season that passes way too quickly and I need to take it in before it is gone. But between dirty diapers, laundry, dishes, dirty faces, and any other task that makes up my day being a wife and mother to four . . . God has graced me with an ability to make the most of the moments that come my way to chew the fat with Him.

We have been studying the Holy Spirit at church these past few weeks and it has really got me to seeing life differently. I am so thankful that my life group allows me to be honest enough to pose the struggles I have in this area. How does one live a life completely consumed by the best thing . . .God . . . and not remove yourself from a world that hasn't tasted what that is like? It is funny to me because I know that someone who hasn't experience the awareness of who God really is might not see things as I do. How to bridge that gap baffles me. What frustrates me is that there is really no way to describe it either. Just like you can't tell a person what the sunset looked liked no matter how eloquent your description unless they were looking at it from your eyes.

So back to understanding how to live a life filled by this awesome and incredible Spirit of God on a daily basis. What God has been showing me is so simple I really can't believe I missed it in the first place. I ask Him. I ask Him what does He have in mind before any given situation and what role does He want me to play in it. It is not that I haven't sought out these answers, but sometimes I let pomp and circumstance get in the way of a gut level interaction with God. No flowery words needed, no special rituals . . . just ask and most importantly listen. Who do you want me to encourage, share you love, freedom with? That is how these ordinary tasks change into extraordinary Spirit filled moments. What better way to spend the day by encountering a Holy and mighty God by pointing people back to Him! I tried it today and nothing life shattering happened to anyone else, but to me it was incredible. He spoke and and I heard and now I am on a mission.

I am sure I might be out there for some, but one day I pray that when we see this same sunset together we will not words to explain it. BTW the picture is the closest thing I have to a recent sunset for me, kind of random I guess. :)

Just wanted to share!

2010-02-16T12:37:00.002-06:00

Lots going on and would love to tell but it is not the right time. So I thought I would share this awesome video! May it bless you like it did me! Be sure to pause the music at the bottom before you watch the video.

I am a little impressed, if I do say so myself!

2010-01-27T14:11:00.003-06:00

I am not into do it yourself projects. When we painted our tiny bathroom in our old house (brush your teeth while your shower taking care of other business small) I realized that it just went too slow. With that being said, I never could find a light for our ktichen that made me want to buy it. So I thought I would try to repaint one on my on. I got it at the restore with globes for under $25. Can of spray paint and a little help from my husband to hang it and it is done. If only they were all this easy. So am now a happy camper not looking at the ugly brass one that has hung here since we moved on. Now I guess I need to get back to laundry and plain old house cleaning. The other things I don't find my passion in! :)

The light that has caused the source of many problems . . . okay maybe not all that but I really don't like it!The purchased light. Here is the point in which I wonder if I am crazy or will I really like it.The new globes I got for 50 cents each!Hanging in the garage waiting to dry. By the way, I also figured out how hard it is to take pictures of these kind of lights. The pictures don't make me feel as happy as I do when I acutally look at the light over the table.

What a start!

2010-01-02T22:35:00.002-06:00

While working on setting up the kids's new awesome puppet theatre upstairs, I had the iphone shuffling my music library. I was so taken back by a song that came on I had to listen to it twice. It was by Wayne Watson. Wow, talk about a flash back. It took me back to those days in high school, when I was a little obnoxious (understatement) with my faith. I still remember borrowing a video tape from my youth minister David with some christian music videos on it that forever changed my genre of favorite music. We are talking early 90s. Micheal W. Smith . . . Amy Grant. . . Bruce Carrol . . . Al Denson . . . and of course Wayne Watson.

It is funny the things I remember, how crooked his teeth were in the Long Arm of the Lord video. That cool vest Micheal W Smith wore in Secret Ambition, but I digress! But above all those silly things, I remember how the music moved me then in my young walk as a believer. I remember wishing I had a singing voice so I could share some of these awesome songs that really spoke to my heart with those at chuch because those songs touched me so. But alas, my shower and car is where they were mostly shared.

Music and songs are to my journey with the Lord are like a photograph for me in a picture album. I will never forget one particular album of Micheal W. Smith's that I listened to on a mission trip with my choir from church. I guess you get the picture, no pun intended. I was really needing a sweet embrace if you will from God tonight and I got it, in the form of a song. So, to really mark this time that I felt as if God were sitting next to me in my car tonight, I will share the words of a song that really meant a lot in high school . . . and even tonight.

Every Now and Again (Wayne Watson)
It's good to be lonely every now and again
To be parted from the ones you adore
To sit at a table for two all alone
And take a look at the world around you
At people with no one to go home to
Some with a place to belong
Others consumed by their weakness
And another when weak seems so strong

Lord, let me be at peace wherever I am
Satisfied with all I have--A faithful friend
And know I am grateful
Cause if it makes me love you even more
I know--I'm sure
It's good to be lonely every now and again

It's good to go down to defeat now and then
To fail at some nobel pursuit
To fall short of the prize
And find in His eyes
There's nothing your victory can do
To secure higher favor
He cannot love you more than now
Winners and losers
All are the same somehow

And it's good to know sorrow
To be closely acquainted with grief
To be showered with tears
No reason to cheer
To find in Christ your only relief

I am finding in my life the removal of excess reveals the true acess I have with the one who loves me most. May I press into him and see all he has given instead of what I think I need.

Precious Gift for me

2009-12-30T20:42:00.005-06:00

Today has been a hard day. Not sure why, it has been building though. I lost it. Lost it with a few people, mainly my kiddos. Went through periods not sure if I would make it out alive. I guess I share this because so many times I look around and think . . . I never see any one else lose it. It must be only me.

I know that is not true and I am so thankful in moments like these that even though I may not behave like I have been given all the self control I need, I have. He has taken care of that . . . it is my choice to draw upon it, I can royally mess up, and His tender mercies will be new for this great offender!

In the most pressing of all cirmcumstance, a lot of words filled with death have been spoken over me. I find that those are the hardest to let go of. Not because I believe them, but because I feel this great need to disprove them. I was driving down the road trying to come up with a clever stautus updates mildly hinting at the day I had. I was thinking how alone I felt and no one really knew that what I needed most was just comfort. Not that it wasn't given, but it wasn't from the one who can really diminish the pain of my broken heart. So, back to the update. I was trying to be clever in wording my status and it hit me. Who can comfort me? Only one can do so in a way that brings long lasting relief. Only one who can hold me so close and let me know that I am okay. I felt like David in one of those rants in a psalm bellyaching about all my misery. Then the verse came to me (thanks AWANAS) "Your staff and rod they comfort me . . ." (psalm 23).

That is it! That is what I sometimes still find myself striving to find in humans. They were not meant to comfort me in this way. Those I know cared about me spoke truth and encouragment, but it was not until I allowed the Lord to calm my spirit and remind me that he is enough. I had that talk that maybe you have had before:

Me:"I feel so alone."

God:"But you are not, I am here."

Me:"But why can't I have someone tell me it is going to be okay. Why can't they say that it stinks, but you will make it through?"

God:"I am and I do."

Me: long silence "You are right, why do I ever turn to anything but you?"

God:"It is in me where you will find what you truly long for, because I love you like no other."

Me: "Forgive me for being so hard headed."

So, in His usually sweeteness this new song I had been enjoying came on in my car and it spoke so loud and clear. So today, I am pressing into the giver of ALL good gifts. One of those is the fruit of the Spirit. So if you see me not showing the full measure of love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, self control, goodness, faithfulness, or kindness . .. then feel free to remind me, "He is enough, Tammy."

Here is the line, in case you missed my status update on fb:

If I lost it all would my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away? If you take it all, this life you've given, still my heart will sing to you. Even if you take it all away, you'll never let me go. I still know that I'm still Yours! (Kutless: I'm Still Yours)

Love my playlist! Got it now on my blog! Small things make me happy these days, I guess.

Patrick's Nightmare

2009-12-17T20:47:00.003-06:00

We had spaghetti last night. I knew Jackson was getting to the age he needed to crossover into toddlerhood . . . he had to experience the spaghetti for himself. Patrick hates this phase as it involves a huge mess. Not like Babyboom, but pretty severe for our household standards. Jackson loved every minute of it, from the onions up his nose to the noodle on his head. His rosy cheeks added to the orange hue of the sauce. The nice part about these pics is that you get to enjoy them from the clean side of the lens! Love making memories!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!

2009-12-15T13:39:00.007-06:00

I am getting to where I am an organizing freak! I have figured out when I can do the tree, cards, presents, or anything else in regards to Christmas so I am not running around not enjoying it. That is good and bad. Good because I can get it done, bad because if I don't it makes me feel like I am going to miss out because I missed the deadline.

Well, this year Sydney was in the Nutcracker. Needless to say I am going to have to revamp the schedule to accomodate for this. So, we got the tree up. I even got the cranberry popcorn garland up- which is usally the hardest part to getting the tree up. I even got the lights up without a hitch. My problem this year was getting those darn homemade bows put up so the kids could get the decorations on the tree. The bows had to be just so in order to let the kids go nuts with the ornaments and I felt like I contributed something to it.

The other slow down was being in the mood to of course take picutes of the event. Between Thanksgiving, Mexico, and December I got sick and it really slowed things down. But never fear! The tree had presents under it before we decorated it. So for my dad's birthday, we decided to celebrate it by decorating the tree. What fun! I love letting the children do

it all, which provides some interesting decorating. Of course I had to get them to pose in front of it. Most of Savannah's ended up on the floor. They loved looking at each one of their's and remembering why they got it. That was my favorite part, but can't figure out how to really photograph it so for now I'll just remember real hard. So here is one of the things that makes my heart flutter at Christmas. The white lights of our Charlie Brown Christmas tree.(Our tree is 12 years old, including the bows. Thank goodness not the popcorn and cranberry!) It just makes me smile to walk into the room with only the Christmas lights on. It reminds me of why I love Christmas. There is so much joy, peace, and hope when you stop long enough to take it all in. Now to enjoy the last ten days before the day we honor Christ being born into this world. He took on our sins as his own to allow us the opportunity to spend forever with him once receive the gift he gave us on the cross. Whew! Thank you God for loving us so! May my life reflect the most important thing in my life . . .YOU!

Thank You!

2009-12-15T13:24:00.003-06:00

I just wanted to take moment to say thank you! I have been so lucky to get to take several families pictures. One of my favorite things to do is take pictures. I am so fulfilled when I get through taking someone's photo andwhen it is a blessing to them. I know I pleaded with a few to do it, but I just wanted to share again what a blessing it was for me to get to do it. I know that for this season, this is one of the ways I can use this ability I have. You can really only take so many photos of your kids . . . even with four! So for those who let me take part in this special part of your lives, THANK YOU!

Hmmm . . . .

2009-12-15T13:05:00.004-06:00

Do you ever find yourself going through life taking it all in and then something stops you cold in your tracks? Do you ever find that sometimes the hardest part of life is going through the day to day events, even the ones you enjoy?

Life is in a funny place for me right now. I am so blessed and so grateful for all the wonderful things in my life that the Lord has given. He is the giver of all good things. So why, in the midst of great blessing can some things still take my breath away. I can only conclude that when these moments happen, the tunnel vision of the one thing that won't seem to go the way I want, the greatest blessing is that I realize something huge.

I am never the one in control. (Thank goodness!) He is all you need. He is the very breath for your exsistance. When your eyes fix on Him, the world rights itself . .. even when nothing changes. A friend made a comment a month ago that has done more for clearing my head than I think she even knows. She told me that the old Tammy would have responded that way and I am not the old Tammy. In moments when I want to just quit, give in the selfish and prideful desires I remember this. That is no longer me. I have been given all that I need to handle whatever life throws at me. The more I walk in this simple truth of what Christ has set me free of the more life is not a roller coaster that I am just along for the ride, but a path that I choose to walk on one step in front of the other.

One day this one thing will either be made right here on earth or I'll be with Jesus no longer caring about this. For now, I will fight the good fight and finish the race with joy because I know that ultimately it is not about me. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

Happy Birthday Jackson!

2009-12-14T12:57:00.004-06:00

It is hard to believe he is already one. How fast it goes by. I remember that this time of year last year I was so ready for him to come. Now that it has been an entire year, I can't even remember how life was with only three. Jackson is such a ball of energy. He loves to make sounds and sure knows how to work those beautiful eyes. He looks just like dad, just like Jacob, and any one of us on a given day. He is a fast mover all over the house, crawling here and there. He survived his first trip to Mexico. Loves beans and to feed himself. Still won't hold his own bottle, but clinches his fist while drinking every last drop. He loves to laugh at his brother and sisters, and doesn't like to wait for what he wants. He loves to have an audience and most definetely knows how to entertain a crowd. He even puts up with Savannah riding him like a dog.

He sleeps in a room with his big brother, Jacob. They do great together unless Jackson wakes him up and you would think the world was ending for Jacob. He told me that Jackson had kept him awake all night one night. Funny, he was sleeping when I checked on him. I can't wait to see how they become friends as Jack gets older. Sydney loves to be able to carry him all over the place and even got to feed him his favorite food . . . chocolate pudding.May the Lord use you for great things, may you know that the Lord has made you great. You are treasure, child of God and I am so in love with who you are. May God raise you up to be a man of God who cares about others more than himself, has compassion and intergrity, and knows who you are to the one who matters most. I can't believe that one day you will leave me for another woman. May God be developing her into the most incredible wife you could ever have. May she take care of you better than I could, to help lessen the pain of letting you go. I love you so much Jackson Barrett Fogle! You are more than I could have ever wanted, known, or imagined. I am so blessed to be your mom!

Mexico

2009-12-07T19:54:00.005-06:00

Just spent the last four days at Reynosa, Mexico. What a trip! The last time I went was when Jacob was 2 1/2 and Sydney was 4 months old. It was a great trip, yet hard at times and not for reasons I expected.

The trip down was pretty uneventful. The kids did great and we made great time. Once we crossed the border all the memories of five years prior flooded back. Right before we had Jacob I was praying that God would allow us to move down there to work and live. I wanted to be a part of what he was doing and sad when I knew that God had different plans for us. To be back in that place opened up much discussion between the Lord and I. I was surprised once again how going back to a familiar place while being a completely different person is a lot of work. I fought most of the time trying not to revert back to the person I was more than five years ago. The one in bondage and fear of what man thought of me, what God thought of me, not measuring up to what I thought I should be and feeling like a failure most of the time because I really didn't grasp who I was in Christ. I could go into more detail, but at that time I think be used in Mexico was my desperate cry for the Lord to make me feel like I mattered. Being used in something noble(Mexican Children's home)=significance.

The funny thing about when you change, sometimes the situations you leave stay the same . . . from your perspective. I am not even really talking about where I went, but in my mind the battle was could I choose not resort to old familiar behavior in and old familiar place. The result . . . I stayed me. I took opportunities to carry old burdens and walked away because it was not mine to bear. With that being said, I viewed all around me differently. I was able to enjoy those friendships at the place they were. No regret or guilt dictated my actions, just the genuine care I have for those at the children's home.

My oh my how those kids have grown. The program they did for us moved me in such a way I don't think that I have words for. I know that in some ways I am just one of many Americans who came to visit, but in my heart it was so exciting to see how they have matured and grown in ways I pray will carry them into their future. They seem to believe what matters most and that will be what will give them hope in any situation.

Ironic, I just went to see good friends and let my kids see another way that some live. I didn't know that the Lord would show me more of who He sees in me. Now if I can just process it and continue to move forward. But I guess sometimes that is how life goes . . . two steps forward and three back. I won't worry until there are is no stepping forward. God is good all the time!

Two months, really?

2009-12-02T15:16:00.006-06:00

I can't believe it has been two months! I knew that it had been a while, in fact sitting at my computer has been luxury. Between changing computers and a really involved schedule . . . this is what happens. Good thing life keeps going even when I can't blog about it.

I have had an incredible last two months in some ways, others I am amazed I made it through not smelling like smoke(Beth Moore's Daniel). The Lord is challenging my walk with Him in so many ways. I must say that what has come out is a new outlook on most everything. There have been some longings that I must say have not been turning out the way I really thought I wanted. Turns out, by them not happening I know can say that the Lord is the meeter of EVERY need I have. I know that is what the Bible says, but it has gone from something the Bible says to my life!

I know not to go too deep, lest I lose you, but I am so grateful for the battles I have endured in the last few months. Each battle I have walked away more whole and complete in who I truly am in Christ, than I ever have been before. Do you know what it is like to have some slime you with their own insecurties? I must confess that I use to walk away from a battle of words so to speak beleiving that whatever was spoken over me was true. Now, thank God, I see what it is at face value. Realize what I can do about a situtaion, what I am not supposed to do and hold my head up high knowing I am walking out my faith more today than I ever had. Even if the battle seems to intesify.

So, if I haven't totally confused you by my vagueness. Then good. If not, I pray that you too know or will soon know what it is like to only care what the Most High thinks of you because it is the very air you breathe. As Avalon says, "You are my oxygen. I breathe you in and breathe you out." If you have experienced the weird place of knowing God thinks you are "all that" and yet knowing you are only that in Him, you understand.

Thank you Lord that I am yours. Thank you Lord that I am loved by my King. Today is a day I get to walk in your freedom, experience your beauty, and am able to be known by you. While this world changes from day to day, YOU are the same. Today is the day I choose YOU!

P.S. It also helps when you are able to clearly see that I am a part of the side that wins!

The enemy has been defeated. Death couldn't hold you down. I am gonna lift my voice in victory I am gonna make his praises loud! Shout out to God with a voice of triumph, shout out to God with a voice of praise! We lift your name up, we lift your name up! -Just the song in my heart right now.

P.P. S. Yes that is Jacob sticking his head through the net of Jesus, fisher of men or Jacob at that moment!

What you do . . .

2009-10-03T15:11:00.005-05:00

What you do when you need to get the laundry out of the dryer and the baby just can't wait two more minutes for you to pick him up. Thank goodness for the brilliant ideas that pop out of your head when you are desperate for a solution. Jackson seemed to enjoy the new environment.

Flag Football

2009-10-03T14:31:00.011-05:00

Today the feel of fall is in the air and Jacob is off into his first season of flag football. Oh, how I love to cheer this boy on. It is so much fun watching, taking pictures, and watching the boys have a good time working as a team. Here are just a few pictures from our morning. What I am sad to say that I didn't catch is Jacob doing his "Kung Fu" moves out on the field between plays. He made a great flag catch and seems to enjoy the first half of the game. Second half is more about self entertainment, thank goodness for patient coaches. Can't wait until next week's practice and game!

Jacob also got a special star for this week's game. He was so proud. He said it was because he treated everyone with respect and showed a "Christ-like" attitude.

The girls also had fun because we had Patrick's oldest brother, Ward, and his wife and daughter with us. Sydney wore her picture of her brother with great pride. She even wore it to the HSU game later in the afternoon! Of course there is sweet Jackson sitting in Aunt Ann's lap. But my favorite is of Patrick trying to video tape with the two girls hanging on his legs. Poor dad can't spilt his attention three ways at once!

P.S. I uploaded all the pictures the wrong way and I am not able to redo, so here you go. All laid out wrong and driving me crazy! :)

Twirling, Balloons, and Pure Cuteness!

2009-09-26T21:48:00.011-05:00

Two posts, one day . . . on a roll!

Jackson, oh one of the four little loves of my life! He has such a sweetness about him. I really have a hard time getting him to respond when my camera can catch him showing it. I did it today. Caught one of the best glimpses into that sweet soul of my little boy. What a blessing!

Savannanh is my singer. She will sing a song before she even knows the words or how to even say them. I love that she loves to sing with me in the car or even as seen in the picture. I am so tickled I caughter her singing her heart out and twirling around the room as she sings. What a gal!

Lastly, some of us headed out to one of my one of my favorite Abilenenian events. . . the Balloon Fest. I worked volunteering so I couldn't go the first night, but we made plans to go on Saturday. Unfortunately, Sydney wasn't feeling well so Patrick stayed home with her. Jackson, Savannah, Jacob, and I had fun on the inflatables, eating fun food, riding the train, meeting up with old friends, and watching the glorious balloons. I will enjoy the day when I can watch without having to worry about someone running off or going where they aren't supposed to go. Here are some of my attempts to show the beauty of these massive balloons. The way the light falls on them is so unbelievable. Then right next to the yellow one you can see the moon. It is moments like this that I am amazed that God has given someone the ability to understand what I could not even on my most intellegent day explain to my seven year old son. He wanted to know if he could not operate the fire next year at the glow event. Gotta love his simplistic heart!

Four Kids.

2009-09-26T16:05:00.003-05:00

Life is at a full blur right now. I am just now finding time to sit at the computer to update this. It might have been our last trip to the river, the start of school, ballet, or football, probably too many things to mention here. But I am now getting to sit down and share some of what has been going on around here.

Sydney started up ballet again and seems to not have missed a step. A friend is in her class and that has made it even more fun. It makes carpooling something I am learning how to love.

Sydney also celebrated her fifth birthday. This was her year to celebrate and I am so glad we (I) survived another party. Wow, I am amazed how those things can challenge me.

We had Jacob's first flag football game today. While I didn't get to enjoy all of it like Ihad planned due to scheduling/parking technicalities, he seemed to enjoy himself on the field. I love watching my kids enjoy things.

There is so much to share but I just wanted to start with today in hopes that I might return to my more frequent posts. I know how much I enjoy other's posts, however mine don't have anything to do with stitches, clowns, great finds, basically the posts of my local blog peeps here in Abilene. Thank you for allowing me to see in your worlds, even if it is not on a regular basis.

God is Mighty!

2009-08-28T11:19:00.004-05:00

I rarely put another person's writing on my blog, but as I read this today I think this is so powerful that I had to share. Such a simple truth, yet so hard to really take hold of in my life. I am so thankful that God has unlimited patience to deal with my struggle to have more of Him in my life. May your day be filled with all that He is!

Exerpt takem from "Journey to Beauty": http://journey-to-beauty.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

All the classes in all the world, all the hours of therapy and all the therapists, all the Pastors in the world cannot do for you what God can.

God changes people.Instead of thirsting after ideas, we need to thirst after God. It's like the difference between being in love...and being in love with the idea of love.

When you thirst after God, that is when real change happens. When you are so desperate to feel God, to know Him, that's when you'll see a breakthrough. I went to Kairos and came out changed because I met God there. All the testimonies, classes, and worship would have been for naught if God had not been in the midst of it.

James 4:8Come near to God and he will come near to you.Luke 11:10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.Jeremiah 29:13You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.Go and seek Him today. Go somewhere alone. Thirst for Him. Find Him. He is the only one who can free us, who can heal us, who can love us. He is the Love of your life and mine.

Simple Pleasures

2009-08-01T22:11:00.013-05:00

I am a big nerd when it comes to some things. I know some might be quick to agree, but alas it is true. Something exciting happened around our house and I am thrilled to tell all on my blog. I hope it doesn't spark any jealousy or coveting. But just today I am now not only the proud owners of blinds for the garage, but proud owners of blinds that are INSTALLED in the garage! I know it may not seem like much, but oh the agony of seeing our messy garage through the exposed windows was sometimes more than this poor gals heart could take . . .including the boxes of blinds leaning up against one. I know there are starving children in Africa, so this may reveal my more shallow side . . . but bear with me! So, my Saturday was made by my thoughtful husband when he so lovingly beautified our view from the street.

I am also working on one of my first real projects for the house that I can remember. The last one I remember working on was recovering a seat for my sewing maching when I got it from my grandma . . . like 9 years ago or so and all it involved was a staple gun and a scrap piece of fabric. Any way, I have organized a picture arrangement on my wall similar to my sister-n-laws house (she gave me my inpiration . . . Thanks, Abbey!) and used all the frames I had in my house practically. I use to have wood all over my other house, so wood was a natural choice for frame decor. However in my new home I am completely free to choose what I want because I like it. I had so much fun (surprisingly) sanding and spray painting all my frames black. As soon as I get my new pictures in them I will post a near finished project.

So today will be chalked up in the record books as a one that was productive. There are a few more things up my sleeve that I can't wait to share. I have a vision and a purpose to help finish up some things around the house . . . I will be sharing them soon, so look for pictures that will be coming.

Dancing the night away!

2009-07-29T23:29:00.005-05:00

Dancing seems to happen around our house most of the day. You can drop by and find one of my two daughters dressed up in some dress up at any given time. You could even pop in say fifteen mintues later and find completely different outfits. I am so excited when for the millionth time to tie the back of Sydney's dress, really I am!

But tonight after dinner we all sat around and had fun with some music. The girls danced and Jacob and dad messed around with his phone/video camera. (Grandma watch out you may be getting to enjoy a new video.) Jackson sat and bounced, I think to the music, and enjoyed everyone having fun until it meant they landed on him. I hate that I wasn't able to capture the moment with a photo, but I am not sad to say I enjoyed the moment rather than try to have a good picture of it. I am blessed with four wonderful kids and it is nights like this that I want to stop time and keep them this way forever. However, I know that the person God has created them to be will be just as much joy . . . probably even more. So crank up the music and see how you can do ballet, ballroom dancing, and hip hop all at the same time! Who knew this non-dancer would have such groovin' children! If you watch carefully, you may even see the beat this non-rhythmed momma walks too. Just don't point it out or I might have to head back to the wall with the other flowers.

P.S. Yes, Jackson does wear clothes from time to time. I just don't take pictures for some reason when he has tem on.

My Breath of Fresh Air!

2009-07-29T22:56:00.006-05:00

It has been a little hairy around these parts lately. We finally made it back to the pool, and I must say that except for the first fifteen mintues it was a welcomed afternoon. Sometimes life can be just a little much and I am thankful for those unexpected times when God breathes new life into you. I am so thankful that He does this not for any other purpose than to remind me of what life is really about. So whle my words may be few for this post, maybe my pictues might express how my lungs feel when they are full of God's sweet air.

Savannah's sweet smile! Melts my heart! My sweet Jackson's toes. Don't you just love them!

The gang I took home. Valerie wasn't photographed, but she added to the fun.

Harrrison and Jacob discussing the finer points of life.

Jen and her son Elijah. He is just a few weeks older than Savannah.

Tabitha hanging out. She is just a few months older than Jackson.

Because this one is so cute!

2009-07-26T18:57:00.002-05:00

Don't forget to mute the music at the bottom!

Just because he is so cute!

2009-07-16T22:57:00.003-05:00

This was orginally from March 9, 2006. Jacob was not quite four years old. It is amazing how even three years later he is still the same yet so much older! By the way he still loves his gree beans.

Happy 7 Months to Jackson!

2009-07-14T18:28:00.003-05:00

What a joy to me are all 18 lbs of you! You make this mamma proud! You are loved!

My Deliverer!

2009-07-13T21:29:00.007-05:00

It was many years ago that God really impressed upon me how He used music to encourage me and uplift me in whatever circumstances. I guess right now I am not real sure of words to express my love for the Lord or what he means to me except through some songs that have really blessed me.

This one just hit me as I was spending sometime with the Lord tonight. I am waiting for his mighty hand to save and more importantly as I walk in freedom HE IS the rock on which I stand. I pray that you too know of God's mightiness (is that a word) in a personal and real way that is not found in the walls of a church, but deep within the walls of your heart!

I will wait for you to move for your mighty hand to save.

When the trouble waters rise You are my hiding place.

Your walls are salvation Your gates of praise
Your walls are salvation Your gates of praise
My deliverer, my deliverer, my deliverer is the Lord!

Who is like you mighty God?
Who can take me from your hand?
As I walk with you in freedom You’re the rock on which I stand.

It was the best of times . . .

2009-07-10T22:02:00.004-05:00

Not sure if that really fits, but what a whirlwind of a week it has been! I celebrated my 34th birthday with my family and friends and that has made this a sweet part of this week. Patrick made me breakfast and gave me a gift from his heart . . . a bigger external hard drive for my pictures. Can he sweep me off my feet or what!?!?! I really am excited to have more space for all those pics I take of my four kiddos.

I got to take my four children to two different appointments to which I was asked at both "Which ones are yours?" I proudly claimed the all. I also got to go to Arlington to enjoy a quick visit with my grandmother who is about to move to New Braunfels. We had a blast in our quick two hour visit, or did we blast her small apartment with the activity of four kids. All I know is nothing was broken and I think we almost left it the way we entered. She is a trooper for putting up with us.

I also posted a sweet pic of my girlies dancing the night away from last night. There is always some kind of performance going on somewhere in our home. Sometimes it is for others and other times it is just a way of life! :) Isn't Savannah a hoot with those glasses. Jacob wasn't feeling the vibe that night. He is usually my hippest dancer of the bunch. Now we are headed into a busy weekend with a long list of to do's on my list. I am so thankful that I am blessed with a family whom I knows loves me.

Lord Move or Move Me! FFH

2009-07-09T08:39:00.003-05:00

I can't find the words to pray, I'm a little down today Can You help me, Can You hold me?
I feel a million miles away, And I don't know what to say Can You hear me anyway?
What I need is for You to reach out Your hand You have taught me no matter what You'd understand

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

I've looked every where to find a simple peace of mind, I can't find nothing on my own
So I gotta leave myself behind, take up this cross of mine Give away everything I hold onto

Lord I know the only way is through this But Lord, I know I need You to help me do this

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

Out of this place of complacency ,To a place of fellowship with Thee
'Cause I am weak, but Lord, You are so strong
And You know it's been way too long It's been way too long

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the doorI'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shoreSo Lord move (move)...,

Worth the 8 minutes to watch!

2009-07-08T22:54:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine shared this with me. I am so glad she did. Enjoy so to speak! Don't forget to mute the muisc at the bottom before watching!

Swimming!

2009-07-08T21:55:00.003-05:00

I was so excited to find out a friend of mine had joined the pool I was going to join this summer. We have enjoyed spending time together with our kids hanging out by the pool. I texted her that we were going and she let me know that she would be there too. We were in luck. It is more fun when you have some one to enjoy the pool with. Another friend also texted me to let me know that she too would join us with our kids at the pool. Then Patrick was so kind to meet us up there with pizza for dinner.

We had a great time and I am so thankful that we spend the money to enjoy this wonderful pool that is always clean when I show up and I can leave it and go home. I really love it in that favorite time of day between 3:00 and bedtime! :) All that to say we had a lot of fun getting chlorinated!

Sheri was so kind to hold Jackson for me while I gathered up the toys strown everywhere. She really looks tan next to my little one! Joshua is her middle son and the same age as Jake. In fact they were in a class for part of the year. Jacob was so cute when a girl showed up that was also in the same class. He excitedly exclaimed, "Hey I was in that class. I was Jacob". Joshua has an older and younger brother (also named Jacob).

Patrick help Jacob perfect the jumping dive off the board. Mom thought it was too much to do for him and lo and behold he got it. That is why dad gets to teach him how to be a boy and not mom. At least he is not doing flips as he dives any more.

I like to call this one "Groucho Marks". Savannah got into some chocolate cake while were not looking. Can you tell how I found out her sneaky act? Kayla and her are so cute together. She calls Kayla "Lala". Of course she is not the least photogenic don't you think!? :) (Kayla)

This is a miracle picture. Sydney would not let go of me in the shallow end only last summer. Then we lost the "flower" floaty. After she swam so well in the river by herself, I pushed her a little to jump off the diving board. She was hesitant,but by the end couldn't get enough of it. I could translate that to some spiritual implications. . . but I'll keep this about the pool.

This is Keeli's version of a dive. Love it! Takes after her mama! :) Love you Cindy!

Okay, not at the pool but isn't this a cute photo? :) Be blessed today!

The River

2009-07-06T15:36:00.009-05:00

What a treat we had this weekend. Our family got to spend the weekend at the Guadalupe River. Not only were my parents and brother and his family there, but Pat's brother, wife, and kids were there. It made for a lot of fun in a lot of places. We sat in the river, rode the river, fished the river, and made great memories in the river.

Patrick has really enjoyed fishing in the river. No one was too keen on joining him except Sydney. Lucky her that she decided to join him because she caught her first fish. It was pretty and sparklely. Jacob got to spend the week with Ken and Anne and we met up at the river to bring him home. It was so nice of them to let him come. Both boys were a little tired of each other by the end of the week. But I know they had fun together.

Mom and Dad cooked us up some fried fish and fried okra. I haven't eaten like that in a while and boy was it good! Sandeigh was so sweet to make me some pies for my birthday and I enjoyed every bite. I was sad when I realized I left one piece of cherry pie behind. By the way I am also going to have to get her oatmeal chocolate chip recipe. They were heavenly!

Sydney and her dad fishing around all the people on the river.
Mom and dad have found the perfect spot to hang out and watch the action. It was a lot of fun watching the kids swim and be thrown by Uncle Ryan. We could even watch them ride the rapids in the tube.

Of course who doesn't need to see a sweet picture of my Jackson. That boy melts my heart!

The girls loved to play princess. I don't think there was a moment where they didn't have a doll in hand. Grandma even let them bring them down to the river! What fun for them!

I think my favorite part of the weekend was spending time with people I love. I have been very blessed to have such a great family. We laugh a lot and somehow always find a way to sit around and enjoy musical instruments together. Thanks to the talent in the family I will be singing the Pink Panther theme song. Now you can sing it with me! Of course now one of my favorite places to get ice cream is Freddie's. We managed to squeeze it in twice. I also had a first. The first time I took a tub ride down the river in the dark. What an adventure. Thanks for the memories!

What makes me smile . . . inside and out:

2009-07-02T12:01:00.003-05:00

Life is hard. I was talking to a friend the other day about this. She so sweetly reminded me about the fact that we are in a fight for our faith. In the Bible it talks about "Fighting the good fight." Ugh. Sometimes I wonder what I signed up for. I want an easy breezey life with no care in the world. Okay, I know that there is no such thing for anyone on this planet but it would seem nice, right? If I stop for a moment and think about what happens when you take away the bad things we would rather do without in life, I think I would not appreciate my life as much that I have. You can't understand how good something is if you have no experiences witht the bad.

My heart is heavy and I am struggling. Struggling with trusting God to be who He says He is. The struggle is not that I don't believe it, but can I make this choice now to walk where He says walk even when it doesn't make sense. What I am learning though, even when it all hits the fan and I am not sure I have the strength to fill my lungs with life giving breath . . . He is. He is my breath, He is my strength, He is. Okay . . . I feel a song coming on! :) He Is. In fact you are listening to it right now! Thank you Playlist!

I love it when I feel like I have just come up with the most profound understanding of God and then I realize . . . the Bible expresses that very same understanding. I guess that is what it means by a timeless truth. A book that can reach the very deep recess of our souls and touch that which longs to be touched by our loving Father. I am being touched deeply at this moment and it is enough. Even though He is choosing to change me rather than my situation, it is enough!

Right now I want to cry at the thought of a current situation. I want to gnash my teeth, rip my sack cloth . . . okay maybe not the last two parts, but I am utterly enlarging my faith in God with each passing moment. While pondering the Truth that will propel me into my next moment, I just happened to be looking at my blessing that gets me through some moments. While you may only see the cutest picutures of the cutest kids :), I see God's faithfulness to sustain me. He is my hope for each situation I go through. He is what gives me what I need to make it. Without him oh the thought of what my life would be!

Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

P.S. Jacob is not pictured, because he is in College Station. I love him just as much, but can't photograph him this week. We miss you bud, but know you are having a blast! Also not sure why the girls think they can't love on the littlest Fogle without squishing him! Hang in there bud. One day you will be bigger than them!

Happy 7th Birthday, Jacob!

2009-06-30T20:25:00.005-05:00

It has been a few days since his actual b-day, but I am now able to sit in a quiet home and get to post pics of my handsome seven year old. He is actually spending the week with his cousin who is also seven. I hear they are having fun and the beauty of having four kids means that when he is gone it almost feels like he is at school. Am I a bad mom for not missing him more? I am just happy he will finally talk to me on the phone when we are apart! :)

So seven years has brought great joy from my sweet, sensitve and all boy boy that I have been blessed with. He unfortunately is number one so we learn what to do with him and what not to do with him. The best and the worst for the poor guy.

I love watching the godly young man he is growing up to be. He is so independent, yet still loves to know I am near. He got a bigger bike for his birthday . . . one without training wheels and it has a kickstand. I loved watching with awe as he rode it down the street and back and was so proud of himself. I am so thankful that God allows me to be a part of his life and inspite of me he seems to be turning out okay.

Happy Birthday to my number one! It is hard to believe how quickly the time flies. Always let me "hold you" whether it be in hugs or even in my lap as long as you physically can! I love you my little buckaroo!

Happy 6 Months to Jackson!

2009-06-20T22:56:00.004-05:00

I love my children. I am amazed how quickly they can fit so perfectly into our family, that I am not sure what we did before they were around. Jackson is sixth months old and I can't believe it was not too much more than a year ago that I knew he was on his way.

He is so easy going and laid back. I love his one dimple smile and those chubby legs that I want to squeeze all day long. He is so good at rolling around all over the floor, sleeping twelve hours a night, and a champ at eating baby food. Now if we could get a little more padding on the face so that when big sister decides she is done holding him, it won't hurt so much when his face hits the carpeted floor! No worries, it was only like a 6 inch drop but it scared him and me none the less!
Jackson has been such a joy to mother! I look forward to the many changes I will see in him in the next sixth months!

Camp Bonita Take 5!

2009-06-20T22:26:00.007-05:00

Side Note: I have tried to post pics on three different times and it is not happening! So here is the post sans photos. Maybe it will work later! Don't you love technology! :)

I am not sure how I am so lucky to get to go to camp with the Belarusian children that come each summer or that I get to go with my church and the 300 plus kids. Oh, and my hubby and Jake get to go too! I just am always amazed at how good God is to us when we go. To put it into words seems to dimish the experience.

This year was harder for me because I left Jackson and the girls with my mom at our house for the week. He didn't like me leaving so much and after the first day, we all were doing much better. I know the girls had a great time with grandma and it was really neat watching how much Jacob has grown over the last year we went. He wants to be with his friends now instead of us! What will this mom do? It is a true joy to watch how he is growing up.

My Belarusian kiddos can steal my heart in a minute and I find each time I return from camp I miss them hanging (litterally) all over me. I miss talking in Russain (poorly) to them and I miss not knowing what is going on in each of their lives (notice a theme).

I just pray that I would not get in the way of the love that God desires to pour out on them while they are here with us. In some ways I am glad that I can't completely do this all on my own or I would get in the way so much more.

So if you are at Beltway on Sunday and you happen to see me with this huge grin on my face, know that it is truly a small glimpse of the joy that I have being a part of something so much bigger than I can even imagine. Bog harasho!

I love how this song translates . . . if I could only find it on cd!

2009-06-13T20:21:00.000-05:00

What happens when I am left alone too long!

2009-06-08T21:04:00.005-05:00

I just received 75 of the most beautiful pictures of my family. Patrick has been so understanding to allow me to get caught up on my family's scrapbook. While I have only gotten to June of last year it has been such a treat in so many ways I was not expecting.

I love to share the quality time looking at the photos with my kids. I also love that it is all digital and am amazed at how neat it all looks. I have found a fast way to experience the best part of scrapbooking. I never can fully understand what it means to have my past so neatly recorded. I am not talking about the way I do it, God only truly knows how many mistakes and spelling errors are on those pages.

What I mean is when I look over the pages, my memory is triggered. The funny part is it is triggered mostly after I have finished the pages or I would tell the after story of the photos. I look at each page and read for the most part how I was truly feeling at that time. This in turn causes me to look at the extenuating circumstances around those photos and how God's hand has truly been so active in my life. It is almost like I am seeing from God's perspective what I couldn't see when I was in the midst of it. I am not talking about the bad or the good, just my life in general.

It is such a good reminder that while the me in the photos (or behind the camera taking the photos) knew that God was with me, I was not sure exactly where. Now, looking back it is these treasured moments with God I get to have with Him as I ask him the "whys" and "why nots" that allow me to be comforted with something that is hard to describe. The main result of these interactions, conversations I have with the Lord give me the faith I need to trust Him even more today. I am not sure where I will be tomorrow, but I know my God is there right beside me holding my hand through the good, bad, and the everyday.

For those of you who don't have this hope, this confidence in your life that keeps your feet on solid ground when life gets hard. . . I pray that you would ask God to show you where He is right at this moment. In the stillness of the place deep down in your hear,t I know you will find that He is there right now with you,waiting for you to take His hand and walk this journey of life with Him.

I have heard a lot recently about this religion that some may say that I live. One thing that I think is safe to say is that a religion doesn't care about what happened to me, for example, on October 12th, 2009. But my God and my Savior were right there in the midst of that day holding me up and carrying me forward when I didn't have the strength to stand on my own. There are many other days I could share, but I hope that you get the point. A religion may tell me how to live in order to be good person, but my relationship with my God tells me that life is more than just being a good person. It is about experiencing all that He is in this life that He has given me.

Who knew the places scrapbooking would take me? Okay, I must confess I knew and that is what compels me to keep up . . .so all I need to ask you is how do you remember?

I am laughing to myself as I finish up this post. I am not sure who these type of posts are really meant for, I just share what is on my heart. As I finish up a post like this, I wonder if this was really meant for me more than those I want to share with. Hmmm . . . .

Okay, I had to include a page. Just so you can get the full picture and to show off my precious girls!

Girlfriends are great!

2009-06-05T13:17:00.006-05:00

People make life fun, sometimes we all can get a little messy, but mostly fun! Sydney's friend was so cute the other day. When I was talking to my friend on the phone, her daughter wanted to get on to tell Syd she had a surprise for her. So the next time they came over, Syd got her surprise. It was a necklace made by her friend Keeli. How cute! She wears it all the time and wants to keep it in my jewelry box for safe keeping. Sydney can melt my heart with her sweetness. Isn't she just beautiful?

This is another picture of Savannah I thought would be cute to post, but I can't remember when I wanted to or why. She has on Jacob's old house shoes. She is also beautiful, the hair going every which way kind of detracts from it at this point, but who doesn't love good bed head every now and then!

Jacksons First Food!

2009-06-03T10:08:00.006-05:00

I have waited until almost the last minute possible. It is time for my almost six month old to enjoy some of the finer things in life . . . runny cereal. I thought I might wait a few more weeks to start this next phase of our exciting times with Jackson, but my mom loves to feed babies baby food. Why does that matter you ask? Since she is being so kind to keep him and the girls for five days while we are at camp, I feel I should make her time more fun by feeding Jackson in the midst of all she will be doing. She may change her mind after the five days.

I guess after three first foods, this one is a little anti-climatic. The fun part to this first cereal was the fact that his three older siblings were eating breakfast at the same time. Jackson loved the cereal . . . or the fact the spoon got to go in his mouth. This child has been such a piece of cake. I am glad he was not my first or I would have had some serious reality checks with the tempermant of my other children!

I am also posting a few pics of my friend Jennifer's daughter, Tabitha. She is older than Jackson by two months . . though you wouldn't know by the picture! I thought it would be fun to share the one we took of them back in Feburary. My how time flies.

I also have to post this one of my sweet Syd! She is so good about getting dressed all by herself these days. She normally has a dress on of some sort. But today's outfit was just a little on the funky side. I must say that I much rather get herself dressed like this than to for her to look put together because I dressed her. I have a hard enough time getting myself dressed these days!

Out of the Mouth of Babes!

2009-06-02T08:33:00.004-05:00

Okay. I hear so many cute things out of my children's mouths that I thought I might share some of the more entertaining ones from time to time. My first installment happened yesterday at the pool.

"I don't need to go to the bathroom anymore. It was only air" Sydney age 4 1/2
"Mommy, I want to wear something beautiful today!" Sydney age 4 1/2
"Neenee" Savannah age 2 when calling her sister Sydney
"Mommy, those people aren't breathing hard like you." Jacob age almost 7 when referring to the people on a tv who I was doing a workout with

Hope that brings a smile to your face like it did me! Be blessed!

Glad Summer is Here!

2009-06-01T09:15:00.006-05:00

We spent our first weekend of official summer trying out our new pool. We had to join a new pool club this summer due to some glitches at our old one. It is nice because it is actually closer to our house and seems to be bigger over all and more entertaining for all my aged kids.

I was so glad Patrick made our first trip as I can be a little "OCD" when it comes to water and kids. I like to know what is going on, if the life guards will actually enforce rules, and what I have to watch out for when the non-swimmers find an unintenitonal way into the water.

Savannh took the whole two hours to decide to swim, Jacob found some friends to play with right away, and Syd was sad that she had no one to play with in the pool. The trooper award goes to Jackson who put on his cute swimsuit and got in the water without fussing at all. He just hung out in the water and watch all the action.

Jackson started doing his first fun trick. He loves to suck on his tongue. "How does he do it?", you might ask? Not a clue! But he sure looks funny when he does it!

He is doing in the picture of him and Savannah.

We had a great time at the pool at look forward to many more fun swims in the future!

I love blogs!

2009-05-29T16:55:00.003-05:00

I know I have shared how I love to read others blogs. I follow way too many. Mmy friends make fun of me when I mentioned something I read in this blog or that. I think that one of the reasons I love following certian blogs so much is the challenge they bring in my life. After reading them, I am encouraged to pursue more of what God has for me. Some of them are teaching a truth, while others just help me identify with a certian situation. I am often amazed how the struggles I am going through right now are not unknown to others.

I think that is why I post now. "Others" in my life is a cool thing. I am not sure how or what God is thinking right now in regards to my relationship with "others". Why are some no longer as previlant as others? Why are some not what I thought they would be or look like what I expected? How "others" are transforming into something more beautiful than I could imagine. Bottom line . . . I am thankful that the Lord did not want me to walk through this life alone. I am thankful that He is so sweet to provide me "others" to expereince this life I live.

While I am not clear on what direction He is guiding me at the moment (in so many ways), I am thankful for His presence being so near to me right now. I am thankful that while I don't have much to share with "others" in my journey with Him out loud right now, I am experiencing so much of the fullness of God that it seems as if I might explode. Sounds pretty messy, but a wonderful messy.

I hope those few who read this would seek out a way to find your "others". Make sure you are not alone. If you are, ask Him to provide you some and keep your eyes open to the "others" that are already there. He is faithful. You will not be disappointed! God want to use them to bless us in our lives. He doesn't want us to be alone. Who knows how many people might even consider us the "others" in their life!

My Star Performer!

2009-05-23T23:59:00.002-05:00

Sydney did a great job at her recital. Only the die hards may dare to watch this 3 minutes of joy for her mother! She is the one in the middle with the darker hair in case you can't tell which one is her. Enjoy!

Are there words for this?

2009-05-18T21:30:00.003-05:00

I was trying to keep Jackson to sleep for just a few minutes. So I put him his carseat that sits in the swing frame we have for him. It is on the floor, so I put him in with no belt. So away he swings and when I go back to get him I find him all curled up on his side. Too cute! Not that Iwould ever put him in a swing not strapped in! Okay . . . maybe this is a posting of a picture for a mom who thinks she has the cutest 5 month old right now! I am a blessed mom for sure! I had that revelation when watching Dancing with the Stars and enjoying my three dancers who were giving a live performance in my living room! I wish I had video of it all!

P.S. Yes he has no clothes on! I love little boys in just a diaper . . . and poop wipes of skin better than clothes! :)

What's floating in my brain at the moment

2009-05-18T20:31:00.005-05:00

Hmmmmm . . . where to begin! I guess I am amazed at how just when you think the roller coaster of life can't get any crazier, you reach the top of the hill. I really can't believe how much is going on in the midst of normal every day life. Is that possible?

I tend to dive to deep and sometimes I am not even sure where my posts are going to go from start to finish. Maybe that is why they seem to have a mind of their own. I had a great morning at ballet. Patrick got to go and watch Sydney's last class. They put on their costumes and I am truly amazed how the simple fabric can transform a child. She was on cloud nine! I can't wait for all the fun this weekend with the recital.

On the other hand life is so complicated for me. I feel like I am just almost frozen with several relationships. I am not sure what to do, how to proceed, or even what to pray. So litterally almost all of my days lately are "give me words Lord . . . .tell me what to do next". My heart is feeling timid about what the future holds and this is one of the first times in a while that I can remember telling the Lord, "whatever you want I will follow". This in itself can pose challenges because not many things in my life feel familiar. In fact that in itself is the blessing and the challenge. How do I operate in a place that is so unfamiliar? How can you walk in blissfulness and feel on the verge of tears at the same time. That knot in my stomach is a constant reminder that I am really on the verge of breaking through one of these walls that I have placed around myself for protection for so long. The irony is (I just thought of this) that it has been so well camoflauged in my life so to speak that I didn't even really see it there. I may not be making sense at all. In fact this is another part of my delima. I feel as if I am speaking a foreign lanuage.

So, now the most pressing issue. Can I keep my mouth shut long enough for the Lord to finish what He has started? I just want so desperately to talk about what I am sensing the Lord do and I feel like I am just supposed to wait. . . . seriously! I knew that in January when He told me that my winter was ending and the beauty of spring had finally started I thought I got it. Little did I know that, like always, God has something so much more in store. Thank goodness I am not left in charge of His bigness (does that even make sense?)

So I must end here . . . I seem to writing in circles and not making much sense. All I can say with clarity is that what treasure Psalm 145 16-21 is to me:

You open you hand and saitisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the deisres of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who live him, but the wicked he will destroy.

I am such a song person. God truly speaks so clearly to me through songs. One that has truly touched me lately is the song "Savior, Please" by Josh Wilson. I love my song player, however I can't always find the song I want to play on it. So here is the chorus:

I try to be so tough, I am just not strong enough.

I can't do this alone, God I need you to hold onto me.

I try be good enough, but I am nothing without your love

Savior please, keep saving me!

Has it been 5 months already?

2009-05-13T14:02:00.006-05:00

Hard to believe that Jackson has been around for five whole months! It is amazing the transformation he has gone through . . . me too . . . from birth to today. As I type he is laying in his crib on his tummy. He started rolling over last weekend and now I find he enjoys the tummy more or else he doesn' t want to bother turning back over. He now will lose the bald spot on the back of his for a permanently red cheek! He sleeeps at least ten hours each night and is due to mommy's hesitiancy will not be eating anything exciting for another month. He absolutely loves to be in the noisy toy . . . the jumperoo. Sometimes I am thrown off by the new voice he has been using lately. I am not sure first of all who it is and second of all is that a happy sound or one that needs me.

Sydney and Jacob are doing such a great job taking care of him and he is learning how to laugh without sounding like he is in pain when he does it. He loves to grab onto things, especially his sisters' hair that gets to close to his open hand.

I must confess I thought that going from three to four might not be that big of deal based on what I heard, but I would be lying if I said this was a cake walk. I am glad to start seeing that each day is easier than the day before . . . but then let me see how this weekend goes with my husband gone from Thursday to Sunday!

What a blessed woman I am to have four beautiful healthy children. I am so thankful each day how each one has enriched my life in a different way. Now, off to do some laundry, some more after that, and so on and so on . . . . is that one of the perks of being a mom?

Worth the time to watch!

2009-05-12T18:58:00.002-05:00

It is funny how one thing leads you to another and sometimes you wonder how did you get where you are. This post is about following one gals blog leading me to another, that led me to her husband's and then to his friend's blog. Did you follow that?

I am so amazed at the power of hope. Not just hope in general, but the hope that is only found in Christ. I am a living testimony to the power of God when we choose to trust what his word, the Bible, says over what we feel. When we look to him to provide us with our every need instead of our family, friends, or things that we are surrounded with.

One of the most powerful statements I heard on this video is:

There will be a moment when you feel like you have no options, you will feel like the darkness is closing in around you, you will feel like you are all alone . . .
God will allow pain and God will allow sufferings, God will allow unexpected crisis, in order to detach our hope from other things and attach it to himself.

I don't know what you have experienced in your life, but I do know that there is athat moment of darkness in all of our lives. It is then when we have see if what we believe is really that hope that the Bible talks about.

I know this is a 27 minute video, but get in a comfy chair and listen to just a simple presntation of what it means when the worst thing you could imagine stares you down and you have to find what it is that truly holds you together . . .not the church, not religion, but God.

Remember when. . .

2009-05-08T18:48:00.004-05:00

I will never forget the days of sponge culers. My grandma would roll up my hair . . . my mom too . . . and I would have the ever coveted curly hair. My hair was straight as a board and wouldn't curl for anything. I will never forget one particular morning when I my mom unveiled my hair before school. I had hair that was down to the middle of my back. When she took out the curlers it was above my shoulders. I was mortified! I thought I looked like Shirley Temple but it didn't make me feel good.

So now to these pictures. My mom brought some of these on a visit she and my grandma made. She was kind enough to leave them with me to do Syd's hair. So, I finally gave it a whirl. Man was it hard to do. I will have to try again and she if it works better. These were the best shots of her hair. They all kind of fell out on their own. I guess it is another thing I get to practice getting good at. At least she was a willing participant!

The picture says it!

2009-05-08T17:49:00.003-05:00

What more could I want when it look into these precious brown eyes? The world seems just right when I look at this!

By the way the hooded towel is a handmade creation of Patrick's sister, Sheryl. She made this for Jacob oh so many years ago. I have each child's photo in it and it is scary how much they all look alike in this towel!

AWANAs Awards

2009-05-08T17:36:00.005-05:00

Well, it is hard to believe it is that time of year again. We just finished up another great year of AWANAs. Jacob and Sydney enjoy going and learn a lot of neat things too! Sydney got lots of goodies from her teacher. Sydney's teacher mentioned that she enjoyed Syd's love of God's creation . . . meaning she got a flower every chance Syd could get. We have been blessed to have Ms. Sue both years of the three and four year old Cubbies.

Jacob was also honored at the awards. He was one of two kindergarteners to finish his first book, review it (like 30 verses) and finsh a second book . . . and finish another extra book. He was such a trooper. I would ask "do you want to keep working?" and everytime he would say yes. He earned a medal for going the extra mile. I have enjoyed watching him learn so much this year in AWANAs.

I brought my zoom lens and found out that even in our church a zoom is not always good. I barely could get far enough away to take these two pictures. Oh well, live and learn right?

I am also including a sweet and cuddly pic of Savannah. I had her all dressed up for the Six White Horses to come to her school that day. Could I get a sweet picture? Apparently she was having empathy attitude for his sister that day. Oh, the joys of emotions. Some day they are right where they should be and other days we just do our best to survive, right? :)

What to do on a day that hits 105?

2009-05-08T16:16:00.010-05:00

We had a playdate planned at my house today. Little did I know that it would be so hot! I pleaded with Pat to put up the slide before he left so we could use it in case the kids got bored. Well, after maybe 10 mintues everyone was in their suit and ready to get wet. I must say that out of six kids (two being under 1 year) we had a great time. Thanks to our wonderfully cleaned off back porch and oh so soft grass (minus a few stickers) the kids played until we told them to come in. I think they were out there from 11:00 until 3:00(minus the younger ones who had to take a nap and time to eat a quick bite to eat).

Here are a few pictures of our fun. I am so thankful we have this slide to use again this summer (Shout out to Grandma!). Even though the kids had a blast, I think I had an equally great one as well. I love getting to sit with friends a chat about this and that. I think it is in those times that you can actually have a great conversation and not even know that you would. I am learning that you can't plan these things . . . they just happen while you are just "being" with some one. So thanks to Cindy and Nicole for just being with me today. Maybe some of you others might want to join us next time. The more the merrier . . . outside! :)

By the way, I made my monkey bread again and it was crispy just like you like it grandma! I might have to cook it for you again.

I love my home!

2009-04-30T20:14:00.016-05:00

First of all I need a follow up to the post about Jake's tooth. It was less than two hours before that thing popped out . . . not sure if it was ready because I KNOW it couldn't have been my melt in your mouth pot roast he had for dinner?!?!?

Now to what I have found to be such a treasure. We took down most of the chain link fence that made our yard feel so small about a month ago. What freedom I have found with direct path to the outdoor fun. Sydney loves flowers. She picks them whenever she gets a chance. So I thought she would enjoy planting some wildflowers that she could pick whenever she wanted. It may be too late, but we'll see what happens!

Anyway, I have beed determined to get Jake riding his bike without training wheels, yet uncertain as to how to do it. Over the weekend, I saw he was able and just needed a little pushing. So this afternoon it was my mission to get that boy training wheel free! So off to work on his "project". (Sydney picked the neighbors wild flowers while Jake rode his bike.)

After a few helps, he slowly but surely got it and ended the fun(mostly mine) with a ride down to the end of the cul de sac. I was so proud . . . unfortunately he had a fall on the way back and the chain fell off so he had to walk it back. But I see more bike rides in the future. Way to go Jake! While he rode, I popped the two younger ones in my trailer and Jackson had his first trailer ride. That will be my moment of shining glory when all five of us can go for a ride together! Hopefully by the end of the summer.

So then we took a break and while I was reading with Jake, I looked up and saw this . . . too precious! Jacob noticed it was getting cooler outside, so we played out there on the fort while we waited for Patrick to get home. I think at least three times while were outside that Jacob commented on how much fun it was to be outside. So we decided to eat out there. I must confess I really don't normally post many pictures of me, but two reasons compel me too: Sydney or Jacob took it and I also love the feeling I get looking at the kids. I think it reflects my feelings for them as best as a picture could or just a glimpse at how much I enjoy them. Jackson loved swinging in the swing and it was so nice to hang out and have fun as a family.

I had to include a couple of bonus shots. One was a priceless heirloom sprinkler that I thought several people in my family might get a kick out of seeing that it is still used . . . everyday at our house in fact. The second is the one of Patrick holding Jackson. First I have to say how thankful I am that he would be hold him for a moment to give me a break. What I thought was cute is how drastically differnt he and I hold that little one. One more way that men and woman are so different!

Easter Weekend

2009-04-28T18:58:00.010-05:00

We had such a nice visit over the Easter weekend. My brother, Ryan, and his family came along with my parents and grandma, and a friend of Patrick's from college . .. Patrick. They all came to be a part of Jacob's baptisim. We had fun letting the kids hang out and eat lots of food. I even got a cherry pie made by my thoughtful sister-n-law, Sandeigh. I think I gained five pounds that weekend. It is amazing how fast time flies. I guess they were all only here for about 24 hours and we filled it up. Baseball, pizza, and yes more food. I am so appreiciative that they would drive out to see us. It is fun to see how much Delilah and Jackson are growing up. I think they are a difference of about 3 ounces in weight. She definetly had Jack beat on the height. She is a doll and I love her big smile! Here are some other photos from our time together.

Patrick and his little aggie! Jack and Delilah What a cutie in a tie!

Mom brought the girls matching dresses. Sydney is defintely into being a big cousin. She loved holding her little cousin!

Bathtime is all fun and games until a big bottle of bubble bath falls dangerously close to Jackson's head and then it's just a screaming good time!

Uncle Ryan sure knows how to entertain three active kids at one time! I am sure he is worn out after visiting us!

John and Pat enjoyed his computer keyboard thingy! I am amazed how they can make that thing sound good. I felt like we had our own private band playing for us the whole time!

Dad doing what he does best!

This was bought when Savannah was born. I believe Jack is just a little to small for this! His face says it all!

Speed Posting #2

2009-04-28T17:11:00.007-05:00

As I went to upload the photos for the post about Jake's loose tooth, I realize how much I have to update on this blog. So much for the normal human brain to consume in one sitting, so here goes my attempt at speed posting.

Spring Performance: I know I posted videos, but here are the actual still shots of the evening.

Had to include the one of Jackson playing with the Savannah's purse. I guess this is bound to happen when you have two older sisters!

The girls ready before the show. I was so excited (can't remember if I am duplicating that post a month ago) that I showed up before the teachers. They both looked so cute and grown up. Where has the time gone!?!?!?!

Sydney and Keeli ready before the show. By the way Cindy, the party theme has changed . . . it is now a Princess and Pauper theme at your house. . . the date September 13th. Just wanted to give you heads up about the ever pressing birthday party plans.What sweet gals are they! Sydney finally saw me fromt the stage and gace this huge wave. Savannah as the tiger. Can't you hear the "Roar"?

Savannah singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"

The girls with their sweet music teacher Ms. Katie. I can't believe how bad I botched this photo. You can't even see their teacher and it is not because I love my kids that much!

Another milestone moment!

2009-04-28T16:51:00.005-05:00

I can't believe it is finally here! I have been wondering if this time would come seeing as Jacob is almost seven. It finally started to wiggle loose yesterday and it will be gone anyday now. I know it hasn't fallen out yet, I am sure I will post about that too, but the fact that he is growing up so fast blows me away. (It is the right center tooth in case you can't tell. I bet that was the first one that came into his mouth . . . how poetic!)

I was talking to a friend about their first child and how so much changes with a new baby . . . only one. I remember being home and not working, kind of feeling guilty that Pat went to work and I got to be home and just hang out. Now with three more kiddos added to the mix, I can't believe how I get to just "hang out" while Patrick goes to work. It is amazing how three more kids can make that phrase so differnt.

I am enjoying the highs and lows of being a mom and couldn't be more proud of the young man who is growing up so quickly before my eyes. I guess we will always have a special relationship since he is my first. My first child to experince all the joys of parenting and the first one I will apologize to for all the ways I might have inhibited his success as an adult. I hope there won't be too many scars from me!

Anywho, here is a snippet of the joy that my oldest daughter Sydney has become. Love the outfit and so thankful I can let her be her, even if she has on yellow socks with that turtleneck, spring dress, and pink boots. Mind it is supposed to be in the 80s today! Is this a photo I can utilize in the future? :)

Getting what I needed and not what I asked for!

2009-04-20T21:20:00.003-05:00

I am not gifted with words, some may say here that I am gifted with a quanity . .. not so much quality. May God open your heart to hear his, not my lack of verbal clarity!

You know in my life I have found that sometimes I am so focused on what tomorrow brings that I miss out on the day ahead of me, the moment I am in. I have pleaded with the Lord to allow my faith to sustain me until . . . fill in the blank. Well, this last week He answered a really big need of mine or so I thought. I really imagined that it would feel different, to have the answer I begged and pleaded for. The ironic thing is that it has left me feeling flat and disappointed. I wanted to be able to say, "Look how God has been faithful!" to anyone who came my way. Right now I feel like I need to regroup and figure out what it is that has come up making feel this way.

Don't get me wrong. God has been so faithful, but in a way I really didn't expect. I didn't get the goosebumps, I didn't get the "experience" . . . at least not how I really wanted it. I really haven't told many people, but God reached out and touched me. About three months ago, I was at a crossroads. I had to choose to allow him to be my all or let go of this craziness of walking in my faith. I couldn't have it both ways. I couldn't wait on His timing and expect my instant needs to be satisfied. I had to choose.

Well, I did. I chose Him. What did he do in return? Well, first of all even as I type this He healed me. He healed the most precious thing in this world to me . . . my heart. My heart was broken, bruised, tattered, torn, you name it I was there. I didn't have any way to make it one more day, but even up until that day He picked up my foot to allow me to take each step. One step at a time, He held me. I had asked all the right people for help . . . desperate for someone to help me. I couldn't understand God's seeming silence to my heart's cry . . . but He still lifted my foot one step at a time. So when I thought I couldn't go one more day, He showed up in a way that I could see how He had been there right where I needed.

Wow, even know as I type I am so moved by the way He swept in took every broken piece of my broken heart and didn't just put it back togehter, he restored it. He touched me in such a way, that it was an act of God. It has been such a special time of healing and personal interaction with the God who created me, I really didn't want it to end. The great thing is hasn't. Some days I my eyes can't see due to a passing cloud or two, but He is ever near and ever tending to me. Me. In my house, at my kitchen table, typing on my blog my God is right here.

I started this entry, some what sadden by the way my answered prayer left me feeling. What I am leaving with is that unbeknownst to even me He answered a more pressing prayer that I had been begging for so much longer, three months earlier. Our pastor has talked so much about pursuing God for what he gives and missing out on the greastest blessing, God Himself. Well, Eureka! I can honestly say that the greatest blessing I could ever receive is more God. My God He was My God He is My God will always ever be (Arron Shust).

God you have shown me that what I truly desire is more of you. Sometimes you show up in restored relationships, but what I am appreciating tonight is you show up to meet with me. To tell me you understand and you are right here. You are my greatest anwered prayer. You are my breath, my heartbeat. Thank you for not answering all my requests in the way I request them . Thank you for answering my heart cries that I don't even understand. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes fo us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:26-28

May you be blessed by just expereincing Him today and everyday!

Spring Program Part 2

2009-03-27T13:59:00.003-05:00

I ran out of gusto last night to finish uploading Sydney's songs . . . and some computer issues. So here is the three songs Syd sang last night. I hate to pick a favorite, but if you just watch one I would choose Whole World in His Hands. The others are cute, but it is my kid I am watching! :) For those who have seen this scenario a thousand times . . . it is what it is a cute kid's program. Sydney had fun watching it while I uploaded it. Hope you enjoy this cute kid on such a cold day!

Praise the Lord! from Tammy Fogle on Vimeo.

Our Little Performers Part 1

2009-03-26T21:24:00.007-05:00

What a night! I had a wonderful evening watching my girls do their spring program at their school. The teachers began our day by telling me how much Savannah enjoys her part in the program. I stayed to watch rehersal and I was really excited to see the performance that night. We got there really early to get good seats. I knew I was excited when I was one of the first ones to show up period. I love watching my kids. They are so much fun. So I am pleased to show you their night. If you have to choose one to watch I would watch the second video to the Wiggles song about monkeys, elephants, and tigers. Sydney did a great job too. She told me her legs hurt from standing so long. I tell you, three songs is a lot to a 4 1/2 year old. I am not sure she enjoys the attention that her little sisters is obvlivious to. Too much fun! I hope you all enjoy!

If you see her get excited, she has just found her "Da"(daddy) and tells her teacher over and over. About half way through (1:20ish) she notices me and says "Ma-ma" in her sweet voice. What is crazy is that girl will hardly utter two words all day and she says those two sweet words on stage for all to hear. Sadly Jacob tried so hard to get her to notice him and she didn't quite see him.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star from Tammy Fogle on Vimeo.

Okay, this one is the best hands down! It is hard to hear the music because of all the laughter. You can hear mostly Patrick's giggles, but in the background Jacob's laughter can be heard. The arm up in the air was quite a shock around the house because she has been doing it for a few weeks. Since she doesn't talk, I finally figured out it was an elephant and it all made sense in her program. She is also particular to the tiger noise. What cracked me up the most was when she walked over to sing into an empty mic stand. I guess singing for the camera with cousins and her brother and sister has not been lost on her. She is such a gem to me! I can't wait to see what these next few months holds for us as she enters the world of conversation. I noticed while uploading it that she kind of takes a bow at the end. Mamma couldn't be prouder!

We love Ms. Christina and Ms. Melissa!

2009-03-24T21:41:00.003-05:00

I have been so glad that the girls have been at Beltway CDC this year. Everything about the program has made me a happy camper. I have always been personally fond of the teachers. So it was no surprise at the lengths they would go to wish Savannah a Happy Birthday. Imagine my shocked when I went to change her diaper and found this:

That's right. There is a birthday message on her diaper! It cracked me up because I would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut, but these ladies did a great job giving me no clue and made me smile. Can anyone's teachers compete with Savannah's great ones? She had a great birthday and weekend. Thanks for the well wishes!

Happy Birthday, Savannah Grace!

2009-03-19T16:14:00.004-05:00

Birthday Girl! Two short years ago, my sweet Savannah Grace joined our family. It has been so much fun watching her grow into the sweet girl she is becoming. I love her hugs and hearing her say "Mama" in that sweet voice that she has. She loves to love on her baby brother and is such a big helper with the dishes and folding/putting away laundry! I love listening to her giggle at her brother and sister. Whatever they do, she thinks she can do too! She has an amazing smile and a very curious personality. Savannah loves to be held and I find her asking others to hold her before she ever asks me. (I guess my arms are a little busier these days.)Savannah's birthday breakfast of choice on the birthday plate.

Jacob and Sydney holding their new baby sister, Savannah

I am amazed how much she lets me hold her. The older two never enjoyed that as much as she does. I also love how she has to hand me her pacifier to get a drink or eat some food. Most kids I know would drop it on the floor or just hold on to it. I love how she sleeps with her bunny and picks it up as soon as she starts to get sleepy. She amazes me how much she enjoys adventure and there is not much that causes her to be fearful. Worries me a little, but she is up for almost any challenge! She loves her daddy and just recently started enjoying holding her big brother and sister's hands. Make's parking lots a lot more fun for me! I look forward to many more memories to come with this sweet little girl of mine.

Proud Mama and Papa holding their sweet little angel moments after she was born.

Posts Galore!

2009-03-18T18:55:00.005-05:00

The top is before the posts, below is after. Of course you can see Pat worked so hard he had time to pose for this picture! Just kidding, I caught him right when he turned to look at me.

Just wanted to brag again on my husband and dad. I am so excited if you can't tell by the way I mention it everywhere! Patrick and my dad put in 82 posts in our back yard in about 5 hours. Hard work and I felt so bad that my dad had to then drive back to Dallas all in the same day. We'll hopefull have more pictures to see with the wood on it soon. I am so ready to enjoy the full acre we have, instead of feeling like we are caged in with our temporary set up that the chain link fence has provided. It is amazing how even though we can see our whole yard, it is hard to enjoy it when you have to go around a fence to play or go more than 10 feet beyond the house. You know now that I think of it, our current fenced back yard is probably not any bigger than a lot of homes in the city. I am so thankful for the space and the help that we get to enjoy it. Now all that is left is those wonderful stickers! Praying for a miracle to erradicate those babies! Hope your first days of spring are as pleasant as ours are turing out to be!

Spring Break Pile Up!

2009-03-17T21:53:00.009-05:00

It seems if I step off the day to day grind for one moment, the pile up that comes is unbelievable. So this post will be a week in our life in fast forward. From my pile to yours! :)I have so many cute stories to share, but as I have been told many times before that I don't have to share everything that I think. Most of the time it is really only to make me smile anyway, so hopefully these pictures will actually make you smile more than my words!

Daddy showing Sydney how much fun it is to dance right after a bath, but before she got her pjs on! Sydney and I enjoyed a cup of coco during our last cold spell. She wore most of it. Too cute! Savannah got her sister to help her dress up in the bee costume. She is ready to take a nap. I know this because she got her bunny and her pacifier all on her own. Sydney loves to point out when she thinks something would make a cute picture. I must admit that she is right, this is pretty darn cute! Keeli and Sydney having fun in the park doing only what four year old girls enjoy, holding hands and walking everywhere together. Jackson doing what he does best at the park right now . . . sleep!

Jacob loves helping his little sister. He was so sweet to go down the slide with her. She loves the attention! Sydney and me at baseball practice! So much fun to watch Jacob, Jackson, Savannah, and Sydney all at the same time! Only a mom can do that. Grandma got Jacob this cool castle puzzle at the book fair and he loved watching his daddy build it! :) Jackson loves to be swaddled to go to sleep, but I always find him free when I go to wake him up to eat. Savannah loves to be a girl. She has recently discovered her sister's dress up shoes and thinks she is such a big girl to put them on all by herself.

The girls all strapped in a ready to go on our first bike ride together! They love it. They let me ride over three miles in it on Sunday. Such fun times. Maybe one day I'll be cool like my friend Keri and can pick them up for school in it! Plus, now that I know how to upload videos the possibilities are endless! Should I video this or just take pictures. How can I do both?!?!? Here goes that inevitable flow of words that I was trying to prevent. I guess you will just have to wait and see what I decide!

God is Good. All the time He is Good.

2009-03-17T20:53:00.002-05:00

One of the verses that God has really brought to life in a new way this season is one I have known by heart for a long time, but it has made it to a new depth in my life. The verse is 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind."

It started with the sound mind. I think on most days I feel as if I have lost my mind in so many areas. God has been encouraging me that I am not loosing my mind for He has given me a sound mind. Whenever I start to feel as if I am crazy, my sound mind comes from choosing to focus on His truth (that comes from His Word) and not what surrounds me or my feelings. I feel as if I am walking in a season of not trusting my eyes or my heart to guide me, but God's Truth to center me. This center is a place I have never been before and requires a trust like I have not been required to give. I find that as I walk in the ways of the Lord I am shown that the old way(even as recent of yesterday) is not going to work for today. My faith must change just as the night changes back to the day. I hope that makes sense. I guess I used to think, way back when I had just accepted the Christ as my Lord and Savior, I thought once I figured it out I could coast so to speak. God is way too all knowing to let me not be engaged every moment of everyday of my life. There is so much to take in. I am realizing how much I am missing out on by fussing about the things that are so unimportant.

So with my sound mind, He has revealed to me the fear that of that is robbing all that God had intended me to have. I wouldn't characterize myself as fearful. I never would have noticed it, it was so minute that I completely dismissed it as just the way I am (I hate those lies the Enemy speaks over me that I accept as Truth). But it has been exposed. Today I am worth all I will ever be. I can not make myself more worthy of anything. Not worthy of God's forgiveness, His grace, His blessings. What a relief. I have spent the better part of my life trying to prove myself to be worthy. (There's that dreaded "T" word Rebekah). I actually have exhausted ways to try, if you can believe it. I never really could pin point the place where that really came from, but it has crippled many of my relationships over the years. So fear of coming to the place where I realize I just don't measure up has run me ragged. I know, now more than ever, that I am loved, I am the Beloved of God, I am captivating, and that I am exactly the woman God created me to be. I am not going to change the core of who I am. What I am going to do is spend the rest of my life walking right where the Lord would have me to transform me to walk in His freedom more and more each and every day. I pray that my words are only vessels to be used by God to have this sink in beyond what my words can ever express.

The ability to do this comes from the power He provides me to do and the love He is and gives to confidently go where my eyes may not know the path. Thank you God for your endless mercies and grace. Thank you that even when I may not understand and question you, that you are still who you are. Thank you for allowing me to come as I am and not leaving me that way. Thank you that when I struggle to let go of something familiar, your Truth gently encourages me to let go and trust you more than I fear the unknown.

While I will stumble and skin my knee so to speak, I am thankful for the forgiveness and grace to stand back up and do it again until I see Him fully.

This one is for those who really love my family!

2009-03-16T20:23:00.006-05:00

Not that you don't love me if you don't want to watch videos of my kids. I think they are pretty fablulous, but they are my kiddos right? One is of Jackson and all the excitement he is these days . . . compared to the day he was born he is a riot right now. The second is my lovely voice singing so Savannah can jam and show off her ability to self entertain these days. Lastly is my angelic Syd singing away at her first opportunity the song I sing so "lovely in the video before. Each one is less than a minute . . . so to those who will, enjoy! Don't forget to mute the music player at the bottom so you can hear the kids.

Jackson Talking to His Mamma! from Tammy Fogle on Vimeo.

Savannah Dancing to "I'm a Little Teapot" from Tammy Fogle on Vimeo.

Syndey singing Teapot Song from Tammy Fogle on Vimeo.

Jacob's Debut as the Big Bad Wolf

2009-03-16T19:48:00.001-05:00

I am so proud of myself! I uploaded and embedded this video all by myself. It is a little abrupt, but I will do better next time. I hope you enjoy this as much as you can tell his dad did. (That is his laughter in the backgroud.) Don't forget to pause the muisc at the bottom before you push play. Enjoy!

Untitled from Tammy Fogle on Vimeo.

My Little Ballerina

2009-03-09T20:56:00.000-05:00

We were just hanging out during ballet class like any normal Monday. I had happened to bring my camera because the teacher leaves the door open during class if we are quiet enough in the waiting room. Today was a surprise treat because we got to go in and watch the girls do their routine for the May recital. They are doing their dance to the theme song to Gunsmoke. They have such cute costumes!

I was so proud to watch her. We missed the parents class in December because I was in the hospital or just home from the hospital after having Jackson. So I had to catch a few pictures of her. She is so funny. When she is excited or proud, she gets really with drawn looking. It makes her look mad or shy, but it is like she can't show she is excited because it is a secret she must keep. So while I was holding Savannah and keeping an eye on Jackson I only got a few good shots. I know how to get a better spot next time. Push, push, push! Just kidding!

De Ju Voix (SP?)

2009-03-09T20:23:00.000-05:00

Savannah enjoying her stickers. She has no cute name for them because she refuses to talk! How appropriate is the shirt she is wearing. It is a passed down from the co-title holder, her sister!

I was helping Savannah sit on the counter while I cooked dinner recently and she found a sheet of stickers. She started sticking them on her all over her face. I was very entertained to watch her enjoy stickers like her sister did not that long ago. I am amazed how much they remind me of each other, yet are completely two different people. It keeps me on my toes and fills my day with mostly smiles.

Like today, watching the girls follow me to the place where Jake was practicing baseball was a hoot. Savannah walked the whole way and stayed about 20 feet behind me. I know I walk too fast. Yet the smile on her face as she made her way to me, melted my wind blown heart. Love those girls. She also had to let everyone smell the weed that had a miniscule flower on it that she stuck up her nose to smell. Thank goodness for parents who understand the importance of smelling a flower.

So all in all our first official day of Spring Break was great. By bedtime I was defintely ready for a break. Too bad we will only have one more nice day before it gets nasty . . . just in time to put in the posts for our fence. I hope my dad can handle the cold with my husband!

Sydney enjoying her "tickers"

Going Ons

2009-03-06T09:13:00.000-06:00

It seems just when I think I have found a grove, something pops up to test me. I guess the more in the family, the more opportunities to have it happen. I just was commenting, yesterday I think to be exact, how I am so glad that it is March and the threat of illness is getting less and less each day. I should Bite my tounge sometimes. . . okay lots of times! :) Jacob has the the stomach bug, so no fun Friday night, no fun showing off the Vegetable Vehicle I spent all that money on at the store :), no playdate that I was looking foward to with some friends, and did I mention no time to let the children play today?!?!? Other than this new development, we have had a great week. My mom got to come with my grandma to see my son's debut performance in the "Three Piggy Opera". He was the wolf and this mom was very proud. We also had our first baseball practice for Jacob. I have tried for two years to get him signed up in time and I always miss it. I can't imagine why! Spring Baseball that starts in April has sign ups in the end of January. Thank goodness for ice days to give me time to get my act together.

I don't know what it is about baseball that I love. Practice is about as slow as the real game, but I guess I have so many fond memories growing up playing baseball with my dad, brothers, and our annual whiffle ball game on Easter weekend. This should be a lot of fun for our family. We practice on the Wylie Junior High Track that has mats and a fence to keep the girls safe from my distracted mind. Spring break is here and while we don't have any exciting trip planned. I am hoping I might have posts put in for our backyard. I'll keep you "posted"! (Oh, am I clever or what?) Enjoy the pictures!

We have survived!

2009-02-23T15:19:00.000-06:00

We made it to the doctor today to find out that Little J (Jackson) has survived his bout with bronchialitis (my spelling may be ify). He is doing great and growing like a weed. Between our two visits 9 days a part that little boy went from 11.11lbs to 12.8 lbs. He is not missing a beat. I tell you what, I pray none of my children get any more illness that need more attention than to watch it run its course. It can be stressful and I am tend to go from sit back and watch to hyperchondicatic (is that a word)? Not a good combination for my mental wellness. As soon as I heard about the possibility of him having a hard time breathing, normal for him was hard to measure and very stressful for me. I don't think he ever had a hard time breathing, but sometimes he can sound very breathless when working on getting gas out. I would have to restrain myself from calling the doctor.

Any way, I am also pleased that he has slept from 11:00pm to 7:00am for two consecutive nights with little effort on my part. So, I can begin to tell those bags to move on under my eyes. Hallelujah! I am blessed to have children that sleep early on and Jackson has taken the longest. So the world is now my oyster, full of limitless possibilities!

P.S. Sandeigh, do you notice how antiquated my scale is compared to yours! :)

Happy 32nd Anniversary to the Barretts who started it all!

2009-02-19T19:58:00.000-06:00

Technically it was yesterday, but this song just kept playing in my head so I thought I would let everyone about the special day for my parents. They set a great example for me in regards to marriage and seem to help me not take things too seriously when it comes to my spouse. I have learned from them that it is good to have fun together and that it doesn't hurt to get a nice retreat to get away to on the weekends. Hope that you weren't too embarrassed by "Pops" in shorts and a T-shirt at the steak house on your celebration day, Mom. I guess there are some things that won't change even after 32 years! :) Love you both! Your grand kids think you both are the best maternal grandparents they have ever had! :) Just kidding, you are tops in their world.

Waiting to feed . .

2009-02-17T23:19:00.000-06:00

Seems like most of my days is spent taking care of Jackson. I think I am being such a productive person since I wait up to get him fed one last time. What will I do when he lets me go to sleep at 10:00? I hope I will find ways to keep up all this productivity!

I love being motivated. I am such a re arranger of furniture. I am limited to certain rooms I can actually move around, but I manage to find a way. Today after I got the girls from CDC and before soccer practice I took apart Jacob's bunk beds and switched them for the twin in the girls' room. Whew! Boy did it feel good to get it done. I then took apart Savannah's crib and she is now in a big girl bed. She was so tickled, I loved her excitement until I told her she had to stay in her bed. We were so lucky to have the use of another crib while she transitioned, thanks Keri and Chad!

So, I feel like I have been motivated by a blog I follow to pick up my camera more. I really love taking pictures and the more I take the more fun I have. Of course then there are more to scrapbook, which leads me down a slippery slope but I have fun every minute of both activities.

I have been so excited to have been reminded that because of the school district we live in, we have access to the gym and facilities at the High School. I was bummed because I gave up my gym membership for a season. But now I can still use nice machines without the high cost. I do miss the classes, but Dave Ramsey has been providing me great entertainment while I walk before Pat goes to work. I even found myself running this morning! Crazier things have happened I guess. In being able to hit the treadmill I am also hitting my goals with taking enough steps throughout the day. I can't explain the great feeling I have after I have taken time to exercise. It totally energizes me for the full day I have with all that rearranging I do! :)

The last photos are from when my youngest three took their first bath together. It is a little more crowded than I would like, but everyone seemed to have fun. I really am enjoying my girls these days. It reminds me of Pete and Repeat, as Savannah loves to do all the things her big sister does. We have had many talks about making sure Syd does the right thing because she is being watched. She sure does love the role of being a big sister to Savannah and Jackson and helps me out almost every time I ask.

I am also including a great picture of my Valentine flowers that my hubby gave me. He always picks them out and arranges them for me himself. He does a great job. Savannah and Sydney also got their own rose.

I don't have many photos right now of Jacob since he is at school most of the day. He did allow me to photograph him playing on our borrowed Wii. Boy, does he love those games. He can get his dad to play with him in a heart beat. Too bad I can't capture his true character while boxing. Maybe I can figure out how to do the video thing one of these days. This shot was when he won his baseball game.

So, I hope you enjoy the photos at least as much as I had being present for them. Okay, maybe that is truly only possible for the mom, but may they bring a smile to your face. BTW, Jackson is doing great and the biggest issue we have is mom not getting a full night of rest. I hope that when we go back to the doctor on Monday that will begin to happen shortly after. I am a woman who needs here sleep!

Speaking of which, off to bed I go (at least after I feed the baby!)

One of those days!

2009-02-13T20:24:00.000-06:00

What a day! We had a great day of fun planned and I was really looking forward to all that was in store for us today. Doctor's appointment (check up) and play date, maybe a chance to stop by and use a 25% coupon at a favorite store, you know what every mom looks forward to (okay not every).

First I find our my playdate was cancelled. Secondly,the check up turns into you need a $170 nebulizer because your fourth has bronchitis or RSV or whatever you want to call it (doctor's words . . . did I hear RSV?!?!?!?) and you if he has trouble breathing call us ASAP. Trouble breathing, have I mentioned my family's standard of being germ free? My two year old just ate a half chewed nugget off the playroom floor at McDonalds a few days ago. I am not sure I follow what that might look like?!?? Once I collected myself, I realized he was right in that Jackson was sick and now I need to focus on how to make him feel better not worry about where he happend to pick it up. Oh yeah, he is the sick one I am just the mom. Whew, deep breath! Isn't it funny how my immediate response to an illness is what did I do wrong as a mom? I should have protected him more. I have to remind myself that this happens from time to time, it's a part of life.

So from then on the day became comical to me. The easy breeze morning changed in every way. I got stopped by a long train. Someone at Walmart decided they had to have the 10th spot on the 3rd row, while five cars waited behind while the current parking spot resider had to unload groceries and put up his empty car. I went to get a book at another store I had been recommending to a friend, to find she had gotten the only copy and they were discontinuing that book so there wouldn't be one to get later. What else?

You get my point. One thing after another. But I must say I have not had a more pleasant 6 hours with my two girls and Jackson. We had fun, shopped together, and just enjoyed what ever we had to do. I love these times when you realize that although things don't go as planned, you still found that it was good. Maybe in a weird kind of way, but on the same note my life is good.

I feel like I have just come out of my winter season and now in my spring, each day is full of new growth and colors are showing I have not seen in a while. I view so many things differently and yet the same. God has answered a great and longstanding prayer request in me by doing nothing different around me. And yet by doing nothing to my circumstances and just to changing me into the child of God, wife, mother and friend He created me to be, amazingly my circumstances have begun to change. It may come as no surprise to some :), but I am reminded of a song by Nicole Nordeman called "Every Season". I added it to the playlist, last song.

It says talking about changing from winter to spring in our relationship with God:

And every thing that's new has bravely surface teaching us to be

what was frozen through is newly purposed turning all things green

and so it is with and how you make me new with every seasons change

and so it will be as you . . . create in me

Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring

P.S. Pictures are just reflective of my love for my kids. Jacob just started his fourth season of soccer, my girls are so cute when they match, Sydney loves to love on Jackson, and that poor baby looks pittiful with the Nebulizer on (even if it is "supposed" to look like a dinosaur)!

The joys of down time!

2009-02-11T22:42:00.000-06:00

So, what is a mother of four who longs for a ten o'clock bedtime doing posting? So glad you asked. It seems that my bedtime is not lined up with my two month old's last feeding time. We are in the adjusting phase of getting him situated with sleeping as long as mommy needs. He can go around 8 hours, we are struggling with when those eight hours are.

Anywho (love that word!), I have got some down time so I thought I would post my newest pics. By the way, does anyone leave their blog playing while they post? These are my favorite songs that I can share in a non-invasive way (yes I am that way with music). Love to jam to my newest favorite song about the dents in my fender.

Sorry, focus. Pictures. My oldest daughter has discovered that if she poses or lays her head next to her younger brother I would be so inclined to take a picture of her. She will say, "Mommy, isn't this so cute?" Meaning, take my picture. I am sad to say I have missed many of her cuteness, but am aiming to be more on top of those moments. I fear the times of, "Aww mom, do you have to take another photo?" will come way too fast.

So I am working fast and furiously on my Valentine's present for my hubby and I look at my newborn to make sure he is okay and this is what I find. No, she doesn't know that I was just sent this photo of my niece. Great minds think alike, right?

So Syd dressed her self this morning. She put on her Belle dress with a cape. I had not gotten her picture with her scrove, so with that attire it seemed like the perfect time. A "scrove" you say? It was not until I was shown was this "scrove" was that I realized it was a "scroll". Out of the mouth of babes!

Literally as I type that, Jackson is screaming his head off to be fed. Almost got to finish this entry. I guess that means it is too long. Enjoy what I got to, maybe tomorrow I will get to finish!

Heavy Heart

2009-02-09T15:17:00.000-06:00

I just found out some sobering news. A friend I went to church with growing up passed away suddenly on Saturday night of a heart attack. He was my age and has two young boys at home. I was looking at his facebook and he posted on Saturday something, not realizing that would be his last. I know that life is never promised past the moment we had, but I am not even sure I realize that I could leave this earth right now as I type and not even know what hit me, litterally.

You never realize when it is your time and who you will leave behind. I am thankful that Jimmy knew his Savior and is now with Him in a place I can't even imagine. I know that his wife is comforted by that, but I am sure she is struggling with the why. Why a 33 year old man would be fine one moment and gone the next. Makes you want to hug those close to you just to remind yourself how much they truly matter. Remind yourself that this life is not what it is all about. That there is so much more and am I living than just the day to day irritations.

I guess I want to know that if I were to leave this earth this moment that I wouldn't regret anything. That I lived my life to the fullest bringing glory to God every step of the way. That my family knew how I felt about them not by just "knowing", but because I told them every chance that I could. Bottom line is that if I were to die today, would my life draw people to the love of our Heavenly Father or would they wonder if I really believed completely in the life I live.

There is a song that has really been touching me lately and knowing now what I know about Jimmy makes it even more powerful to me. Don't forget to pause the playlist at the bottom.

The Motions by Matthew West

I don't want go through the motions
I don't want to go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't want spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions

The Papa that could only appreciate the hair . . .

2009-02-01T23:26:00.000-06:00

I just meant to post a picture of my dad( the one on the left :) ) with my son (the one on the right) as a follow up to the fluff of a hair do my youngest has after a bath. Enjoy!

Bring it on!

2009-02-01T23:10:00.001-06:00

Okay, have you ever been here? You are going along, no problems (so to speak) and then wham! Out of no where this mean thing we'll call "Joy Robber"tries to do just that, rob my joy. So I am enjoying a this nice moment when God has called me to not respond to "Joy Robber".

If you have known me for two seconds, you will know that to not respond is like telling the sun not to shine. Okay maybe not that inevitable, but God is asking a lot of me right now. He is calling me to step back and not respond. To not right a wrong, to walk away from a firey arrow thrown my way. Is that possible?

Well, I have good news. I have begun to trust the Lord with this part of my life and as hard as it is, I can say I have never felt better. To not be responsbile to correct this "Joy Robber" has taken a load off. Tonight, I was venting with Him how it is not fair that this is the response God has called me to. He so sweetly, in the midst of my cries to Him of how it just doesn't make sense to walk away with out voicing anything, reminds me of a simple yet powerful point. Hejust kept saying to my aching heart, "Do you trust me more than the "Joy Robber's" wrong? "

Well, put that way of course I trust him more than anything. I know His heart is always good towards me and I can trust him. As soon as I let that sink in my still aching heart, something miraclous happened. I didn't care anymore that I clearly had solid ground to stand on with "Joy Robber", but it didn't matter anymore. All that mattered is I wanted more of what God has for me in my life. It is so much easier to receive that than to make sure I communicate to the "Joy Robber" what it has done to me.

Now all I say is, "Bring it on!" You can't rob from me what is not yours to take!

Thanks for letting me share! Hopefully it made sense to some of you, if not you need to catch someone who has learned "Tammyese" fluently and can translate.

Check this out!

2009-01-29T18:57:00.001-06:00

A girl I used to go to MOPS with's husband made a video for his youth group. It is pretty clever. Make sure you pause the music at the bottom of the blog before you push play.

It made it on the Nightly News on NBC. Crazy, from Abilene that it would make National News. Here is that link. It is right after the commercial.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032619/vp/28897578#28897578

I am still here . . .

2009-01-14T09:34:00.000-06:00

It has been too long since my last post, but I am excited that we are having some predictablity around this place. It is hard to believe it has been over a month since our Jackson has been here. He is a great baby and I couldn feel more blessed. We have had more sickness since his birth than probably the last year combined, but that is the way it goes when you have enough children that are your own to have a day care as my peditatrian pointed out.

It is really fun to watch the realtionships between the older three develop. They truly enjoy each other and it is fun to see how they play. For example, I was feeding Jackson in the living roomn and I hear, "Stop, drop and roll." I listen closer and Jacob is teaching Sydney how to make sure it is safe to leave a room and how to put out a fire on her. As I type this a sudden fear came over me. Should I be worried about any future plans he has for their play time? :) Just kidding, at least I hope I don't need to worry.

I just started for the upteenth time the book Power of a Praying Wife. I am amazed at how alive and active God is not only through His word, but people who share his truth. While I can't go into details, I am so thankful that his mercies are new every morning. I am also thankful as I just recently heard in a Nicole Nordeman song:

Thank you Jesus when you see us just as we are fragile and so far from who we want to be

Thank you Jesus even when the pieces are broken and scarred, dreams shattered and scattered like the wind

Thank you Jesus even then

What hits me most poignantly these days, just like I was reminded when I read The Shack (not shed :) lol), is that God truly sees us not as we try to present ourselves but as we are. In seeing us that way he still offers us all that he has. To be desired by someone so incomprehnsible my mind just sits and struggles with this true act of grace. I am not sure why it is so hard to grasp God's desire for a relationship with ME, not who I want to be but ME NOW just as I am. Even as I try to share, words seem to be lacking. I guess that is the other part of God that I love. He doesn't want you to know him based on what I say or someone else says, but on the interaction you have with him. May that time you spend with him today be the icing on you cake!

Be blessed! P.S. Had to include the youngest . . . he hadn't been able to join in much of the fun around our house. I can't wait for the old grandpa look to soften a little. He is so cute, but in pictures new borns (at least mine) favor the ARRP age, irony for another day.

Hair only that would impress a Papa!

2008-12-23T22:44:00.001-06:00

Second time to post, so my humor is not going to be as funny due to frustration! I hate it when that happens! :)

We went to the doctor today. Jackson is doing great except for the jaundice, circumsion not healing correctly, ingrown toenail, and he still has that umbilical cord. Seriously, he is doing great and almost back to birth weight. He has almost as much hair as his older brother Jacob. It's funny how both boys have had so many similarities from labor to just physical appearances.

At our appointment that I had been the oh so perfect mom and was not bathing her soon too much, I kind of tuned him out when he started to talk about bathing until he talked about how often. In fact I almost laughed out loud when the pediatrican said that sponged bathing daily was not too much. When I think about the abundance of time I have right now (laughing out loud), four kids and a house to take care of, sure a sponge bath is going to be easy to do EVERYDAY. I will work on the improving the frequency of his baths. I was impressed with my every third day bathing of my newest son. :)

Now to the reason I post this cute photo. I have always enjoyed giving my dad a hard time about the amount of hair, or lack of hair, that he has. So, unfortunately his namesake's head must not be as perfect as his Papa's because it is covered by a lot of hair. In fact when it is unincumbered by any natural oils, it reminds me of a fur coat I had that was made from rabbit(real or fake I am not sure of). It is soft aand fluffy and now that I get to wash it everyday, it will bring a smile to my oh so tired face!

I must sleep, Jackson will be ready to eat in a short amount of time! My last post of the evening!

New mom has to post new baby pictures . . . Humor me!

2008-12-23T22:19:00.000-06:00

I have loved looking at my newest son. He is a blessing so far in so many ways. He eats, sleeps, poops (a little too much for my pleasure), and cries only when he really needs something. I have gotten the pleasure of spending most of my time taking care of him since Pat finds the older ones easier to figure out. SO, I have enjoyed watching him behave in ways so familiar to me because of my older kids. I just want to capture those expressions, but they just don't translate into a cute photo. Anyway, Here are just some of my favorites from the last two days, as I haven't had a chance to get my photo software loaded and opened the photos from the first seven days since the crash. If I had my software loaded I would have made these black and white to help minimize the awful color clashing going on in both these photos.

Pat and Tammy plus 4!

2008-12-23T22:06:00.000-06:00

Just doesn't sound as catchy as one of my favorite tv shows. Sydney calls it Jon & eight. Anyway, my titles can consume me at times so I will try to move on to the purpose of my post. I have heard since I was pregnant with Sydney that structure and routine are the key to having more than one child. Not that I am any good at it, but I love to try and set some structure up for the kids sake. Now more than ever do I know that to be true. I tried to get as much together to keep Christmastime celebrations normal for the older kids even though I would have a new baby to contend with. Here are some of pictures from the fun we have had even with me being sleep deprived and a blubbering postpartum mom of four!

Our first gingerbread house. It rode around in my car a little too long and we had to do some foundation repairs before we could assemble it. I had grand visions of the kids going crazy inventing new decor for our house. The first thing my first born said while I was building the house was, "Mom, can I do it like the picture?" Oh well, so much for creative expression. He is also the child who has never liked to scribble on his papers (He used the word before I even knew he knew what it meant). However he was a wonderful older brother helping his sister decorate the house with him. Savannah just ate any candy she could grab when they weren't looking. See the red drool ALL over her nice white shirt? The picture of the older two I chose because of those dorky smiles. How do they smile that way, cock their head AND look at the same direction on cue? I gave up. One day I will have them trained, right? :)

Life Goes On . . .

2008-12-23T14:10:00.000-06:00

Well, we have had quite an interesting week! It has been so much fun having Jackson around. However I could use a little more down time between feeding and the numerous diaper changes! But to make life a little more interesting we got to experience the joys of having a hard drive crash. Yes, you read correctly!

My hard drive crashed this week. One of my first reactions was . . . what pictures did I lose. Then the reality of what will not be recovered and all in all those documents (and scrapbook pages I never printed off ) will not be seen again more than likely, but I believe we were able to keep all pictures. The other biggest pain that I will suffer from this crash is my Christmas card list. I know it may sound petty, but for the last three years I have had computer problems with this list requiring me to recreate this list again and again. I have sent out most of this year's list and thankfully I have a hard copy . . . but really is this a necessary thing to get to do year after year?

As silly as this may sound, I have had a moment to reflect that there are some things that happen that stink in our lives. Nothing truly life shattering, but just plain stinky. I am not sure how losing a hard drive brings glory and honor to God, but may that be the result of this small and irritating issue that I got to deal with this week. The sweet (yes they are still sweet) cries of my son reminds me of how truly blessed I am. I guess I can look at this way, I am free of those documents that you don't know what to do with that just sit around and take up precious hard drive space, right? I guess my computer got to go through an early "spring cleaning".

Jackson is here!

2008-12-14T22:30:00.000-06:00

We are so happy to have our newest member of the family arrive over 2 weeks early. His name is Jackson Barrett Fogle and he came into our world at 12:54 p.m. sunny-side up weighing in at 7 lb.s 6 oz ( my smallest baby yet) 19 inches long.

The rest of the clan is so happy to have him here. He has been kissed squished and loved on more than he probably knows what to do with. I am doing great and ready to begin these next few sleepless weeks. Make good notes for me and when I ask how it went you can fill me in on the details!

I will enjoy my mom's help until Wednesday and then the fun with just the six Fogles can begin. Hope you enjoy these photos as much as I enjoy the people in them! God has been gracious to us to allow us to have four beautiful healthy children. I think that even though I am technically one shy of a quiver, mine is filled to the brim!

Oh and the other cool part of this great day is one of my friends from college got to be a my labor and delivery nurse for us a second time. She also helped me deliver Savannah. Caroline was such a great coach, especially during the whole pushing part. I really enjoyed having her a part of this day for our second time. Too bad my doctor decided to have a personal day off! :) I will thoroughly give him a hard time not to be a my available for my needs even on his day off.

Just when you think you have something figured out!

2008-12-13T07:04:00.000-06:00

Just to let those who might actually check my blog on Saturday morning . . .

We had a great night eating out with the kids at my latest craving, IHOP, then seeing the Christmas lights at the State School. I wasn't feeling weird, but I did go to bed early. Thank goodness because I have only slept 30 minutes or so since I was awaken around 12:45 AM by MY WATER BREAKING! Who could have imagined I would be sitting in the hospital not quite 38 weeks pregnant delievering our fourth child!

How cool is it that I can blog before I really begin too much pain? I guess the potocin will be started soon . . .oh, well! I will post more later, but our Saturday got just a little more exciting!

Tammy

10 days and counting . . .

2008-12-10T13:58:00.000-06:00

I think it is funny how women and men view age appropriate things for kids so differently. My mom got the kids cute matching pjs and they were a Christmas motiff (sp?). As soon as my husband saw them he had a definite opinion as to which of our three kids would not being wearing them. He thought they did not exemplify the appropriate level of testerone that our son's pjs required.

The funny thing is Jacob had no problem putting them on except that he had to stop playing vidoe games long enough to do it. I thougth the picture turned out cute! Wait until you see the ones I got for the kids to all wear, all four of them!

P.S. We are getting closer!!!! Only nine more days until we meet our little bundle of joy!

The joys of carrying 20 extra pounds of . . .

2008-12-05T20:55:00.001-06:00

I just can't label my post with the obivious. So maybe all this self imposed bed rest has gotten me thinking. I really have gained more than twenty pounds, the gift that each child has left behind to help me remember them by.

Anyway, the reason I guess I got off on that tangent is that being in bed more than I am not due to back pain, pelvic pressure, the kickboxing my newest son is learning, or the sheer exhaustion I find myself muddling through I am able to blog more than usual. No I am not as bad off as I make myself sound, but let's just say that if I were to find myself going to the hospital to have this baby I would not feel deprived that we didn't have our full forty weeks of bonding.

Blogging has been a great thing to do while my wonderful husband is cleaning, cooking, entertaining children, washing dishes, anything I am not up to doing these days which make me feel horribly guilty as a stay at home mom. So here is my newest addition. We have been taking family pictures before Christmas since 1986 in my family. A traditon I absolutely love. While I have not been as consistent with the professional portraits as a family, I know once a year we have at least one of the Fogles together. However, I must say that this year takes the cake.

All mommy wants for Christmas is a happy picture for her Christmas Cards. Is that really too hard to ask? My husband was not blessed with all the training my mother gave myself and my brothers on how to make this annual process go as quickly as possible and you will soon see my girls would rather prolong it than get it over. Jacob was my only trooper who smiled the whole time.

Never fear, we actually had a professional get a great one that will soon arrive at your doorstep pre-birth of Jackson I might add! Momma may not be happy from our failed attempt at my brother's house, but I thought it would make a funny post. Sorry I rambled on and on!

Making Mamma Proud

2008-12-05T11:19:00.001-06:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Darth Vader

2008-12-03T18:30:00.001-06:00

I have been waiting so patiently for Jacob to start this whole reading process. It has been fun this year watching him get excited about being able to read words on his own. Over the break he has been even adding more details in his drawings and enjoying that too. I love it when he draws pictures. He drew Darth Vader and actually tried to write the words with it. How cool is that? I know he is no prodigy, but this has been a fun milestone for me to watch him reach. I guess this is one of my mommy moments!

Thanksgiving with the Barretts

2008-12-03T17:50:00.000-06:00

Can you belive I got caught up in one afternoon. I know it is not as fun as having a new post every few days, but now I might have the time to actually do it . . . to my few faithful readers dont't hold your breath! :)

So Turkey day was a lot of fun for us this year. My youngest brother and his wife Abbey graciously hosted all of us at their new house. I was so nervous having my three kids being the first to really get to break it in, but their house passed every test with flying colors. Dad and Ryan hanging out.

My older brother, his wife, two boys, and newsest baby daughter joined my family at Jason's house. My parents and grandma traveled each day to join us. We had so much food thanks to Abbey and my mom. The day was really nice and I enjoyed being around all my family. The kids really took to their newest cousin and couldn't wait to help kiss and feed Delilah any chance they got.Pat got to watch his beloved aggies get creamed by the longhorns, but we had fun watching none the less.One of my favorite things was that Abbey arrananged at the last minute to have someone take our family photos. Normally we use the timer, but it was neat to have everyone in the photo and it go somewhat smoothly. We also got to have individually family photos and I can't wait to see how they turned out. Cindy, Mike, Dot and Christi also joined us on Friday and we hung out watching old home movies. Lots of fun. The girls had great time getting attention from their aunts and uncles and Jacob enjoyed playing video games.

Jake also got to break the wishbone with his dad and got the biggest piece. John and Zeke played video games and would take a break to play with the younger kids. They loved every minute of it. All in all we had a great time hanging out not doing a whole lot together but spending time.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree!

2008-12-03T17:39:00.000-06:00

I was determined to make sure that even though I was having a baby, we would have a home that the kids decorated for Christmas. They love to help do this task, so how could I deprive them? I even decided I would make cranberry popcorn garland for Jacob and our tree would have the Fogle Flair. After patiently waiting over a week for me to get my job done so they could do their part, the fun began. We had so much fun going over each ornament and who it belonged to. I found myself repeating the story many times because someone would ask again and again, Jacob is sure full of questions! Savannah even became very helpful, sort of. She would drop the ornament on the tree in the same spot and her brother and sister would go behind her and actually hang it. She didn't understand why her newest ornament had to stay on the tree and she couldn't play with it. It is really cute to see the kids so excited about their individual ornament. Sydney got a Celelbration Barbie for herself this year and managed to break off her hand in the first twenty-four hours of possessing it. Patrick did a great job glueing it back on until he realized he glued her hand facing up and not down like it had been. Our ornament is now truly a one of a kind! I will try and post pics of the kids ornaments. What a great way to help us rememeber which one they got this year. I really didn't take many action shots, but were they proud of the decorating job they did. I did not rearrange one ornament even though at first I had to resist!

Nutcracker Take Two!

2008-12-03T17:26:00.000-06:00

Sydney and I got to go see the Abilene Ballet's annual Performance of the Nutcracker. It was just the girls this year. Jacob was sad not to go, but I wasn't sure if I could handle them both that long in a confined environment. Syndey was so precious to watch. She even began to dance with her newest friend, a nutcracker, by the end of the ballet.

She just started taking classes at the studio that puts the prodcuction on and two of her teachers were in several numbers. She had fun seeing them in costume afterwards. We also got to take a picture with the butterfly. It was lots of fun sitting with our friends, Sherry, Cameron,Cindy, and Keeli.

Sydney is already talking about who will get to go with her next year. She definetely wants some boys to go with us. In fact all she talks about is how Clara's brother fought over the nutcracker and broke it. And to no surprise hers only lasted about a week before some arms have come up MIA. She has handled it well and seems to walk on air as she dances around the house to some little song in her head. If you ask her in the right moment she might actually perform for you, but so far she prefers to dance alone.

I know by the look on her face she seems fairly unhappy, but she feels the need to do all she can to hide the smile and the excitement as she is standing next to these beautifully dressed ballerinas.

Go Fsh! Finally!

2008-12-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

We were able to go to Fort Worth for the day to catch a Go Fish concert. I think if there music could be played non-stop 24 hours a day, my kids (including Savannah) would be content. I handle it most of the time, but even I have my limits.
They are a great group that I was more than thrilled to take them to see. We had great seats and the kids got to dance in front of the the stage with all the other kids. Jamie even sang to Savannah for part of a song. She was the funniest to watch. Her dancing cracks me up and she loves to dance. We had to keep an eye on her or she would have joined them on the stage. After running all over the place to keep up with the kids, I was one tired puppy.
I asked Syndey the other day if she was glad she got to go, and she said she loved it. In fact I played Jacob and Savannah a You tube video while I got Sydney ready for ballet and all I heard was Savannah saysing "ooh, ooh, ooh!" while Jacob sang away.

It was funny because my parents joined us and I am not sure who had more fun, my mom, dad, or me? The kids did hands down. But dad was disappointed when they didn't sing the ladybug song. I guess they can please us all. I hope one day they can come to Abilene. They are really a lot of fun. Worth all the effort it took to get there! You can hear their music on Itunes or I have a link to their website on my blog. Check it out! There motto is kids music that won't drive the parents bonkers.

Barn Dance . . . or Portico Dance

2008-12-03T16:56:00.001-06:00

We have an annual event at our church that is lots of fun. There are air castles, games, food, and my favorite a live man singing country music for our enjoyment. The girls and I hung out at the music area for most of the night, while Patrick and Jacob had fun on the inflatables. The girls danced until there hearts content and entertained all who watched. Savannah found some women who were just taken to her and her to them because they all wore sparkley jewelry. There was face painting and lots of candy consumption and the best part was that

I think most of my family had a lot of fun. Of course I had to throw a pic of me and my girl friends. Such good friends, I hope they will hang on until I can make it through these last days of my oh so trying pregnancy. I am glad we became friends before this pregnancy has kept me down and out most of the last few months.

Some reflection and cute photos

2008-12-03T16:27:00.000-06:00

This was the season of the blur. I really am not sure where it went or how it happened, but thankfully for the pictures I have some recollection. I think part of it has been that on some fronts I feel like I have been fighting for my life . . . and on others I wonder how in the world will I make it another day physically. . . pregnant, emotionally drained and with threee precious kids and a husband to take care of.

I look at friends I have that are way on the other side of four and press on knowing that God will not give me more than I can share. One gal who I don't know that well, but feel a kindred spirit to, has four kids with her youngest in my Syd's class. She just moved to Abilene, but I love to read her blog because she seems to have been on a similar path like myself . . . . children that make you lose your mind at times and just the sheer numbers that having three or more can produce. Lots of fires! Another mom who is way younger helps me to keep things in perspective. Then there is the friend with teenagers and I get to see what all this blood sweat and tears will lead to, if I stay true to what God calls me to, not one tear or pressing on when I don't really feel like it will be in vain for the prize that awaits my babies!

We will miss these years one day I am told and keep telling myself. Of course, I love how God can also use the most random times to remind me that I am not alone. His encouragement is not lost on this gal who seems to still fight to remind myself of who I am, not who I feel like at times. Sometimes that truth is what can set me free for what ever situation I am in or if I choose to ignore His turth it can discourage me in ways that are just plain silly to be discouraged about. Hope that makes sense to someone, at least most importantly it makes sense to me and this blog is my ebenezer stone.

So, now to these two simple photos. I love the one of Jacob. It has been a hard soccer season for him in that he is learing how to actually play and sometimes that active mind and body can do him a disservice on the field. This shot is during the same quarter where the coach yelled at me to see if I caught my son meditating on the field in the goal while the boys kicked away at the other end. This was the moment of sheer excitement as he just scored a hard fought goal for his team. He was on cloud nine. Of course mom couldn't have been prouder. I almost thought this might want to make him sweat again to play next season, but his memory proved me wrong. He wants to give soccer a rest and try gymnastics. Another moment where I as his mom must let him have some say in his life, not matter how much I LOVE taking pictures of him and his team mates while they play outdoors.

I laugh about the one of photo of the girls. I feel like every picture I have of the girls is in these green and pink dresses. I promise they have other clothes. Sydney is actually in one of her many new dresses she got for her birthday, including several wigs. I think these dresses appear so often is Sydney is definetely in the twirling ability of the clothes she chooses each day. That is the first question she asks when I get her a new dress. "Mamma, will it twirl?" She has to try it out and then you guessed it, all clothers are chosen for the twirlability (is that a word?) and then ease of which shoes she can wear. She likes the ones that help her dance better. Who knew patten was a good candidate for point ballet? I love being a mom to two girls. They are both so girly and so different and I love seeing their personalities develop each day. Who knows what tomorrow holds! I guess that is the beauty of my life, it will defintely be different than today!

Okay . . . The Pictures have been uploaded

2008-12-03T15:14:00.000-06:00

It seems everytime I want to sit down to blog I don't have my pictures off of my camera onto the computer to add them. I am only 2 1/2 weeks away from bringing number four into this world, Lord willing, so I better get my act together. I am thinking that our newest addition will sit by and let me ignore his needs while I blog. So welcome to my whirlwind and here is a brief update from the last two months? Enjoy, at least I will when I look back! 16 days and counting! I have included the most true to live representation of how I feel these days . . . big going and coming if you know what I mean! :) What joyous experiences I get to have to bring my bouncing bundles of joy into this world. May I never forget the feeling of a hiccup inutero or the competion of which gets the space . . . the rib or major organ or the baby's sweet little leg or foot.

I realized I hadn't even done some from Sept! Well, here are those in a nut shell . .

The girls are so sweet together when they sit on the couch. Notice all Savannah's necessary cuddley things!Savannah loves to sit with the toys in the toybox (at least our version of our living room toybox!)

The kids had a great time at the West Texas Fair and Rodeo. After living in Abilene over 15 years, this was my first time to really go and enjoy it! Jacob could have ridden everything and stayed ALL night long.We got to hang out with some of our friends while we were there. Of course the girls loved riding together. Sydney sure does enjoy her friend Keeli!

Happy 4th Birthday to Sydney! Our traditional birthday breakfast of pancakes with a candle.Sydney had just a party with family, but her cake didn't lack any decoration thanks to her grandma. She had princesss decorations galore from her cake to cupcakes. All the kids were in heaven with all the sugar!The only shot of all three kiddos that we could get. Savannah will need more traning on how to be still or a picture for me! :)Savannah loved holding on to Little Grandma's hand as they walked out the door together. Too cute!Every September we get to enjoy a smaller scale balloon fest in Abilene. The kids really had fun watching the balloons fill up with air and take off. Can you see Jacob at the bottom showing how big that balloon is?We ran into some friends that made watching more fun. I think between the three families there were 8 kids. Perfect for sharing in excitement and lots of loud noise!

Have I mentioned that Savannah is beginning to show signs of wanting to dresss up like her sister? She prefers the shorter dresses so she won't trip as often. Oh the dancing that girl can muster up. I am not sure where she gets this . . . must be a Fogle thing!